


We Hide Ourselves Right Where We Stand

by FolleseGaskarth



Series: You're The Beat Playing in My Heart [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Angst, Blowjobs, Bottom!Jean, Boys Kissing, College AU, Cum Eating, Cumplay, Dates, Denial of Love, Dirty Talk, Fighting, Fluff, Lingerie, M/M, Mental Illnesses, Piercings, Punk!Eren, Smut, Spanking, handjobs, happy endings, hipster!Jean, top!Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:52:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FolleseGaskarth/pseuds/FolleseGaskarth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's college life has always been pretty much the same. That's not to say it's been boring; he's certainly had his fair share of good times, but now Armin's childhood friend has transferred to their college. And the decision affects him more than he could've ever anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Ride is a Wild One

**Author's Note:**

> I suppose the thanks come at the end of a fic but I technically have finished this fic, just not posted it all. This work has been in progress since perhaps early April and I've been dying to finally finish a chaptered fic. So here it is, the first one. 
> 
> Everything for this fic has already been written out, but I'll be posting one chapter every week (after the first five). This gives me time to edit anything I have to and also stretch out the life of this work a little more.
> 
> Tags will also be added as appropriate for every chapter posted. Fic is rated Explicit for future chapters.
> 
> Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone who begins to read this fic and I hope you all stick around. Please, without further ado, enjoy the writing I've worked the hardest on.

A calm Tuesday afternoon in the library, Armin's voice droning on, speaking to Jean about the classes they had, books laid out in front of them, a few friends seated around them, everything seemed normal; that is, if one disregarded the boy who was currently boring holes into Jean's face with his eyes. Jean tried his best to keep his mind focused on the material Armin was going over considering Professor Erwin's class was extremely difficult and Armin seemed to be the only one who understood. Jean really couldn't afford to fail this class, it was the only prerequisite he had yet to take due to his laziness of not signing up earlier, and today's lesson had been complete gibberish to him. But that damn boy. 

Jean adjusted his thick-framed glasses on his face, pushing them up with his index finger by the bridge. He could have sworn he saw the boy chuckling silently at him. Jean broke out in a sweat, desperately trying to control his peripheral vision from paying attention to the boy. 

"I think we're due for a break." Armin announced. 

"Yes, please." Jean responded in a soft voice and as he stood up, he, once again, could have sworn the boy bit his lip and - was that a piercing on his bottom lip?! Jean was quick to follow Armin out of the library. 

They arrived to the vending machines quickly, everything silent as Armin fed it a dollar. He picked up his drink, taking a long sip before addressing Jean who was just standing there, staring at the machine like an idiot. 

"You okay, Jean? You seem pretty out of it." 

"Huh? Oh yeah. I just wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Who's the kid who was sitting next to you upstairs?"

"Oh, that's Eren. Sorry I didn't introduce you guys. You showed up late and so did he. I can introduce you now if you want to, though." Jean stiffened. 

"Wait, like Eren 'your-roommate-Eren'? Like Eren 'been-friends-with-him-since-practically-childbirth-Eren'? Like Eren 'I-heard-he-was-transferring-here-in-the-middle-of-the-semester-Eren'? That Eren?!" Armin cocked an eyebrow at his friend. 

"Yes," He said slowly, not really assessing what the issue was. "Is there a problem with that?"

"N-no, he just... Isn't what I imagined." Armin chuckled. 

"Well, what exactly did you imagine?"

"I dunno. Probably... For him to be more like you. I certainly didn't expect him to have piercings or anything."

"Oh yeah, he has those." Armin states as they start walking back to the library. 

"'Those'? As in multiple ones?" Armin nods. 

"Yeah, I can't tell you how many exactly, seeing as he got most of them in the two years we've been away but it's definitely more than one." 

They arrived at the library, seating themselves as an end to their conversation while their friends were waiting for them. Before Armin began speaking again, Jean allowed himself to give Eren's face a fuller look and nodded to himself at what he was able to briefly take in. Eren had a nice, sharp, strong jaw, accenting the rest of his chiseled look. His lips were full and a dusty rose color, two shiny, black, metal rings cupping his bottom one. His nose was small and rounded. And his eyes. Oh man was Jean ever-so-not prepared for his eyes. A deep turquoise color with splashes of gold, almost turning them green. They glimmered as if a layer of children's glitter hid underneath, the whole of his eyes accented by a thin, almost unnoticeable outline of black eyeliner. Higher up were his thick eyebrows, a dark brown, just like his hair, and the right one had a piercing sticking out like arrows both above and below, the shine of the metal just peaking out from the strands of his bangs. And then his hair, a giant mess of chocolate locks that somehow worked with his demeanor. Just as complex as his eyes, as well, some strands seemingly painted an auburn and others a rich ink black. His facial expression looked extremely bored, Jean able to see slight dark bags under his eyes, even though he was incessantly scribbling down nearly every word Armin was saying. 

Oh fuck. 

Armin had started talking again. 

Jean willed himself away from Eren's face, trying to pay attention to whatever it was that Armin was saying. He cursed at himself and at the boy mentally for having distracted him from his schoolwork. He adjusted his glasses once more, beginning to write as he noticed Eren's eyes were on him again. He did his best to not sweat and blush profusely. 

" _Only forty-five more minutes of this to go._ " He thought to himself.


	2. With Fire in my Eyes

Jean was practically counting down the seconds to when he knew Armin would wrap things up. When the blond boy finally finished up, Jean rushed to grab his things and leave but not before a deep voice called out at him. He knew it was Eren because the voice was unfamiliar and also used 'Hey!' to address Jean instead of his name. Jean stopped in his tracks, turning around slowly, as if afraid to see Eren behind him regardless of the fact that he could hear his footsteps drawing closer. 

"Where you headed now?" He asked. 

"M-My dorm." Jean responded meekly, clutching his books tighter and growing more uncomfortable with Eren yet not wanting him to leave. 

"Can I walk you back?" Eren asked, his stance carefree, his notebook lightly held by the hand at his side. 

"Uhm, sure." Jean's responded with a small smile. They didn't say anything until they got outside; they didn't have to considering they weren't playing dumb and knew they had seen each other staring at the other, regardless that they hadn't said it. 

"So," Began Eren. "What's your name?"

"Jean. Jean Kirschtein." 

"Eren Jäger."

"I heard." He said though he didn't mean to. 

"You heard?" Eren echoed.

"Y-Yeah, Armin talks about you a lot. And I asked about you when I saw you."

"Oh. I see. So what's Armin said about me?" He smiled a bright smile to show he was all about playfulness and being carefree. It was a sunny, early October day but Jean had to admit that his smile outshone the sun. 

"Not much," He looked away, afraid his blush was peeking through way too profusely. "Just about how you're his best friend and you guys have known each other a while. Oh, and that you were transferring here."

"So he doesn't talk much about me I guess." Eren almost pouted. 

"Not really but I think it's mainly because Armin's so busy. He barely talks to anyone." Jean smiled and Eren returned the favor. 

"Well, I think he's spoken about you before. You live across from him in the dorms, don't you?" Jean nodded. "Yeah, first day he moved in he told me about this 'preppy, pastel boy' who he was just aiming to get to know."

"I am not 'preppy'!" Jean defended himself, though he had to admit, he was pretty obsessed with his studies and always carried this air of superiority about him, although he believed he was anything but. 

"Have you seen yourself?" Eren retorted and Jean scowled at him. Eren laughed at this and Jean willed himself to stop blushing. 

"I-I don't mean to do it. I'm just... studious, I guess. It's not really about me being 'preppy' or not."

"Don't worry," Eren reassured. "You don't give off the vibe, I was just teasing. Besides preppy boys normally are rude and feel entitled to whatever they want because they can buy it all. You don't seem like that." Jean chucked. 

"Well the "buying it all" part sounds like me." Eren eyed him up and down. 

"Really?"

"Yep. Believe it or not, my parents are loaded. But I don't take advantage of that. I'm here on a merit based scholarship actually. And I work to pay for my own things. The most they do is send me a nice care package every month or so." 

"Oh, so smart and rich; just how I like 'em," Eren smirked and Jean chuckled, blushing a bit at Eren's horrible banter as he looked away. "I think it's cool, though. You grew up rich and yet you learned how to live for yourself." Jean nodded. 

"I had lots of smart friends growing up and I always wanted to be like that."

"Yeah, that's what Armin's been for me. Too bad I'll never be on his genius level." Eren chuckled. 

"Yeah, that kid's a prodigy. Sometimes I get jealous but it really does help to have him around."

"Yeah, till he gets on your back about it. Only been dorming with him three days and it's already bringing back those high school memories."

"Wait, you've been here three days already?"

"Yeah..."

"Huh. Armin didn't tell me."

"Yeah, he didn't introduce me to any of his friends either. He said he'll make up for it by taking me out to brunch over the weekend since he's been so busy. So I've been taking initiative and meeting his friends on my own."

"Oh, who else have you met?"

"Well, honestly you're the first I’ve really talked to. I've seen the others around and said a few words but Armin's been so busy studying and forcing me to do the same I haven't had time to get out and talk to the rest of you. And I’d feel bad leaving him all alone. But I figured today was a good chance to and you were checking me out anyways so why not?" Jean blushed and sputtered. 

"I was not checking you out!"

"Hmm, you sure? Because I was. And you seemed to be mimicking me a whole lot." 

"How can you just say that?" 

"Because it's true. If it creeps you out, I'll stop but I could've sworn I was getting the same reactions from you."

"I-I'm just... I don't really do that often. I don't flirt with boys and they're certainly not so open about it."

"And what? You couldn't tell I was different?" Jean blushes as Eren looks over at him with his hands behind his head. 

"So what, you're just walking me home because we looked at each other in the library and so that's your invitation to come over to my dorm and fuck me?" Eren laughed and for the millionth time, Jean's heart skipped a beat. 

"I take it back; now it's smart, rich, and funny. And you could probably add 'cute' to the list too. But I'm actually quite a gentleman, Jean. I walked you home to get to know you," They had coincidentally just arrived in front of both of their rooms. "And perhaps I wanted to see if I could get your number?" Eren asked and Jean smiled at the coy trick . He gave Eren his number nonetheless, receiving Eren's in return. 

As they entered their own rooms, Jean felt a buzz in his pocket and opened it to see he had a text from one 'Eren Jäger'. 

" _Hey._ " It read. And in that moment, Jean swore he could hear Eren's flirty voice in the room with him.


	3. I Don’t Even Know Myself

" _Hey._ " Jean responded before thinking how stupid that was. But then again, what else would he have said? (Regardless, the message already said 'delivered' which quickly changed to 'seen'.)

" _I wanna learn more about u._ " Eren responded and Jean liked how he skipped the small talk. 

" _What do u wanna know?_ "

" _Tell me about what u were like when u were 11._ " Jean started at his phone, half in awe, half in surprise. 

" _That's a very specific question._ "

" _So I expect a v specific answer._ "

" _Fair enough. I guess... Idk??? I was in 5th/6th grade, I was a bit of a fat kid, kinda chubby, got made fun of. Really stuck to my grades, all the teachers liked me, kinda a lonely kid. Uhm, idk I don't remember much else._ "

" _Really??? U? A fat kid?_ "

"Yeah ik ik. When I hit hs I lost the craving for sweets and started working out."

" _Huh... Thts good ig._ "

" _Why'd u ask that?_ "

" _Bc I wanted to know._ "

" _Yea but like no one asks stuff like that._ "

" _I just hate small talk. So awkward. We both know that's not what we wanna say so why don't we just skip it._ "

" _Hm... Never thought about it like that._ "

" _I came to the realization myself v recently._ "

" _So what about u? What were u like when u were 11?_ "

" _Imagine me rn but like smaller. Literally. I was in karate classes and I guess I was a lot more hyper too. Very angry. Always got in trouble with other kids. And then in hs I got into boxing for a bit but only to keep in shape, never as a sport. Also became v antisocial bc all kids were afraid of me._ "

" _Why afraid of u?_ "

" _Too angry. Rlly mean. But I'm a nice person I think. I just get angry easily. Or I used to. I think it's better now._ "

" _You don't seem scary to me._ "

" _Did u not notice the holes in my face?_ "

" _Lol yeah but that doesn't mean ur a scary person. Or that ur a bad person._ "

" _Ik but most ppl tend to think so._ " Jean was thinking of how to respond when another message popped up. " _I'm glad u don't think that._ " Jean smiled at his phone screen. 

" _Eren, tell me about you rn. What are you like currently?_ "

" _Uhhhhh... Ok I'm 20, born March 30th, college junior obvi, studying art (pls make no smart remarks), I work out regularly, still boxing, sometimes I swim, I have like eight piercings, one tattoo, I like classic rock (wow who is surprised) and poetry (now maybe u are surprised). I'm gay af in case u couldn't tell. Sometimes I wear girls skinny jeans bc they make my butt look better. When I was 13 I had a pet goldfish and it died like 3 days later bc I forgot to feed it (middle school life 2 tough 4 me) and then I cried for like a week. My mom kept telling me to "man up". And then I got mad bc I didn't wanna "man up" so I told her it was normal for me to be sad bc guys have emotions too. So basically that story was to tell u that that's how I became a feminist. I talk too much. Ok u._ "

" _Omg ur killing me lmao.  
I wouldn't make smart remarks about the art major thing??? I think it suits u??? In the best way possible ofc.   
Eight piercings???? Like where????  
Beautiful story and btw I am one too so dw.  
Uhm ok I'm also 20, born April 7th, also college junior. Majoring in computer science (hardy har what a nerd). I work out regularly too, mostly running but I also like swimming. Just my hair doesn't. I have no piercings and no tats but I'm a very flowery pastel boy. I like indie music and kpop (wow who is surprised) and I actually paint on the side (now maybe u are surprised). I'm pansexual. I wear girl skinny jeans too mainly bc they don't make lilac skinny jeans for boys sadly. Uh I became a feminist just bc I have a lot of female friends and like... Society angers me??? Idk. But yeah. That me._"

" _Thank u! No one else rlly thinks it's a smart major but irdgaf.  
Two piercings bottom lip, one each ear, two more on left ear, one eyebrow and then one on my dick (jk jk belly button. Y I had a phase. Y I kept it anyways.)  
Computer science no nerdy. CS mean u smart.   
Why ur hair no like swimming?  
I can see u painting yea. Also u look very flowery pastel boy. It suits u. V much_."

" _I really would not doubt that u have a genital piercing.  
uhu thank.   
My hair gets very wavy and unstraight (lol like me) in the water. Very annoying to maintain. I prefer it straight and style-able.   
uhu thank._"

" _U can trust me I don't. If u still don't believe me, I can show u for urself ;)  
Yw yw   
My hair in the water just sops and falls straight. And when it dries it gets volume again.   
Yw yw_"

" _Omg did u rlly just try and flirt with me?_ "

" _What u mean 'try'?_ "

" _//rolls eyes._ "

" _Omg u so cute. U put action into txt._ "

" _//blushu. Shut up. It's not cute. It's lame._ "

" _Ok then ur lame._ "

" _:o_ "

" _U asked for it._ "

" _I'm growing quite fond of u Jäger._ "

" _I'm glad Kirschtein._ "


	4. I’ll Be the Boy with the Silver Lining

By the time they finished texting each other it was quite past Jean's self-set bedtime. He excused himself from the conversation to go wash up and come back. Of course, however, he failed to remember that Eren was literally across the hallway. 

"Hello again, Kirschtein." Eren said with a smirk, towel in hand as he leaned against the door, seemingly waiting for Jean. 

"How could I forget you live here too?" Jean said as they began to walk to the showers. 

They walked in silence, Eren punching in the code to the bathroom once they got there and holding the door open for Jean like a gentleman. It was empty save for them which meant they were late according to the early-sleepers and early according to the partygoers. Nonetheless, the silence was gentle and Jean was lulled by the soft pitter patter of the shower hitting the tiled floor as he sat on the bench next to the shower in his stall. Most people tired of the communal showers but Jean never minded them. They were especially nice when he was alone in there, not having to deal with a whole bunch of loud guys. He did want to experience living in a house or apartment, however, whether on or off campus; perhaps he'd apply for it next semester. His eyes started closing on him, the tiredness seeping in along with the warmth of the water and steam. Luckily, his first curtain was open and Eren was passing by to take the last shower stall after brushing his teeth. 

"Kirschtein." He called and Jean snapped back to life at the deep voice, regardless of how soothing it was. 

"Huh?" Eren chuckled a bit. 

"You're falling asleep there. You okay?" He had gotten closer to Jean, having entered the bench space before the shower, holding Jean's face in his hands and moving it lightly from side to side, trying to wake him up. 

"Yeah yeah, sorry. It's just kinda late for me. I know this is dorky but I always go to sleep around 10:30." Last he had checked, it was nearing midnight. 

"Oh. Sorry," Eren apologized knowing that he had stayed up to talk to him. "You should have told me it was getting late for you."

"I didn't realize, time just kinda got away from me." Eren smiled and nodded. 

"Alright, well, hurry up and shower so we can get to bed, okay?"

"Okay." Jean said and it all sounded so nice and simple and nearly suburban that he felt like Eren's husband and expected Eren to lean down for a kiss. But when Eren walked away, he was hit with the realization that, yeah, he was so definitely tired. 

By the time he stepped out of the shower, he was so ready to pass out. He dressed behind his first curtain, dragging his body out and finding Eren waiting at a bench by the side. He must've looked really exhausted because Eren was quick to get up and put an arm around him. 

"Geez if this is you tired, I wonder what you're like drunk."

"A riot." He answered simply and Eren just chuckled. 

"What do you mean?" He asked as they exited the bathroom, his arm having slid from Jean's shoulder to his waist. 

"Happy drunk. Party drunk. Sexy drunk." Eren just laughed. 

"You need sleep, Kirschtein." Jean just shook his head, leaning it against Eren's shoulder. They arrived at his dorm but Jean didn't want to detach himself from his new friend. He lazily opened the door and dragged Eren inside. 

"Okay Kirschtein," He said as he lightly dropped Jean's body on the bed. "I gotta go now." Jean shook his head and pouted like a baby. 

"No," He whined, dragging out the syllable. "Stay with me." Eren rolled his eyes and sighed; what the hell. 

"Fine, I'll be right back. Promise." A very sleepy Jean nodded, getting under his covers after making sure his backpack was ready to pick up and go once he woke up in the morning, and proceeded to wait for Eren. 

"Huh," He said when he came back; he was holding his backpack along with a towel, toothbrush and a few other things he may need in the morning. "Didn't expect you to wait up for me," Jean just nodded. "Wait," he said as he looked around and then pointed at Jean. "You live in a single."

"Hmm." Jean said affirming Eren's statement. 

"Which means one bed."

"Hmm." Jean repeated through half-lidded eyes. 

"You okay with that?" Jean nodded once, barely picking his head back up; that shower had really done wonders on his state of mind. Eren shrugged. "Alright, scoot over Kirschtein," He said as he placed his items on the chair near the bed and facing the desk. When he turned back around, Jean was making grabby hands at him, mewling something like "cuddle" at which Eren smiled. He slipped under the covers, turning off the lights as he brought Jean close to his chest.   
The slightly younger boy sighed happily and nuzzled against Eren. "Cute flower pastel boy Jean is very affectionate, huh?" He asked softly. He felt Jean nod against him once before his breathing softened and Eren could only assume he fell asleep. 

Eren replayed the day's events in his head. From finding Jean, to speaking to him, to exchanging numbers, to texting for hours as they both did homework, to bathing at the same time and place as him, to ending up falling asleep with him. They were still almost strangers, but they weren't. Eren thought it was the weirdest way he'd ever begun to develop a friendship with someone. But as he felt Jean's arm around his waist grip him tighter and the slight scent of coconut drift off the boy's hair and into his nostrils, he found himself unable to care.


	5. You’re the Cherry, I’m a Cigarette

"Eren... Eren wake up. Eren!" Jean frantically shook the boy who mumbled in his sleep before jolting upright, fully awake. He took a deep breath as he sat up, panting and looking around quickly before calming down immediately. 

"O-oh, were you having a nightmare?" Jean asked. Eren rubbed his eye, slightly sore with the bright light that was peeling through the cracks in the shades of the window. 

"No, sorry. I just wake up like that, get scared and panicky when I'm woken up suddenly" He grumbled, his voice deep and rough from sleep. "Speaking of which, what time is it, why are you waking me up?" He stretched up, looking over at Jean.

"It's almost seven. I didn't know what time your first class was and I didn't want you to be late."

"What's today?"

"Wednesday."

"Ah, don't worry about it. First class is a 9:30 AM. Thanks though. What about you?"

"10 AM today," They both sat in silence for a while before Jean spoke up. "Sorry."

"For?" Eren asked, peeling his eyes away from a spot on the wall to Jean's profile. 

"Making you sleep here last night. And forcing you to cuddle with me." Eren laughed softly. 

"You didn't force me to do anything. You asked and I said yes is all." Jean blushed softly before thinking of another question. 

"What'd you tell Armin?" 

"He was already asleep, had been for a while, so I just left him a note saying I was sleeping over at your dorm." Jean laughed at that. 

"He'll probably think that's so weird. We just met yesterday."

"Yeah or he'll think we hooked up," Jean made a bit of a choked noise and looked away, blushing. "Teasing, teasing, Kirschtein. I specified in the note that it was nothing sexual." Jean nodded. 

Things were quiet for a while and Eren thought Jean had fallen asleep in his sitting fetal position before the boy turned to look at Eren. Eren looked back and smiled softly before Jean's eyes went wide. He was about to question it when Jean reached a hand out and touched at his face. He teased with the metal at his eyebrow and Eren suddenly realized why his face was somewhat sore. 

"You sleep with those in?" Jean asked after a while. 

"Nah I'm not supposed to. Well, I can but they tend to hurt me, personally; I’m a pretty reckless sleeper. I usually take them out when I get back to the dorm but with the change last night, I completely forgot." 

"Sorry," Jean said and Eren shook his head as a way of telling him not to be. "No eyeliner either." Jean noted. 

"Yeah I usually clean that off at night in the bathroom. You didn't notice?" Jean shook his head. 

"My eyes were closed half the time if you don't remember." Eren chuckled. 

"My mistake, you're right." Jean continued to tease at his face for a little while longer, almost analyzing him. 

"Sorry for touching your face so much it's just... Your face looks softer without the eyeliner, it's weird. One simple thing can change so much. It's almost like meeting a different person from yesterday. I wonder what you're like without your piercings." 

"I think I look about the same but probably not to you." He said with a smile.

"Hey," Jean said after a while, dropping his hands from Eren's face. "It's still early and we don't seem to have any intent of going back to sleep. You wanna grab breakfast? I know a nice place off campus that we can make it to and be back by your 9:30. But, like... Only if you want to y'know, we don't have to."

"Jean, relax. Yeah, I'd love to go." Jean's worried face now beamed a smile as he stared to get up to get ready. Eren couldn't help but smile back. 

As they walked to Jean's favorite little diner, he couldn't be happier that he had chosen to grab his favorite lilac jacket before he ran out; it was a big, roomy, comfortable hoodie that he found rose up enough to be perfect for hiding part of his face in when it got cold. He noticed Eren, eyeliner back on, adding to his rough exterior, walking around in just a black short sleeve t-shirt. Jean nearly shivered on his behalf. 

"Aren't you cold?" 

"Huh? Oh... No. Don't get cold easily. I dunno why." Jean cocked an eyebrow at him but didn't pester him any further about it. Instead he noticed that Eren seemed rather distracted. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Eren responded and the fact that he was speaking while rubbing his palm over his face really didn't help his case. "Why do you ask?" Jean shook his head. 

"You just seem out of it." Eren chuckled. 

"Nothing a little coffee won't fix." Jean frowned a little internally but forced himself to believe him and return Eren's smile. 

They picked a simple booth once they arrived, both ordering coffee before looking at the menu. Eren took a light sip at his coffee and sighed after he had ordered pancakes with scrambled eggs and Jean had ordered the strawberry waffles. 

"Man, that's good." Eren said with a light smile as he pushed his cup back a bit. Jean simply gave him a twitchy stare, halfway through depositing a second sugar packet into the cup. 

"You, uh... You did realize that's... There's no sugar in that." Eren nodded. 

"I'm very aware. You can't tell me you're surprised, I mean, come on," He gestured at himself, emphasizing his all-black outfit and very edgy appearance. "Besides, I'm not saying anything about you ordering sweets for breakfast."

"Oh, screw you! Live a little, Eren. Strawberries are fucking great." Eren burst out into laughter. 

"I cannot believe I'm having a conversation about black coffee and strawberries at," He paused to check his phone. "7:47 AM with a man I just met yesterday." He laughed again and this time Jean joined him. 

"I think it's nice." Jean said in a soft voice with a smile. 

"Me too." Eren said, the smile radiant in both his lips and eyes as he watched Jean take a sip of his coffee. Jean then placed his cup down and simply stared at the steaming liquid. 

"Y'know," He started and Eren's interest moved from Jean's hands to his face. "This is really weird about me, but I just hate hot beverages."

"What? Then why didn't you tell me? They make iced coffee."

"I know but you asked if I wanted coffee and I said yes and then you ordered coffee and I didn't wanna tell you that I didn't like hot drinks because then you'd try to change it and I didn't wanna make you do all that work."

"So instead you sweeten it and drink from it so I have to watch you suffer in pain and drink something you don't like." Jean scoffed and smiled. 

"I don't mind it. It's not so bad." He said, taking another sip and the second he saw Jean's reaction he called the waitress over and ordered an iced coffee. 

"W-what'd you do that for?!" Eren simply dragged Jean's cup to himself. 

"Relax, it's fine. I'll drink yours. Mine wasn't enough anyways."

"I thought you didn't like sweet things."

"I never said that. I prefer my coffee black is all. Doesn't mean I'm gonna turn down sweetened coffee. Besides, I like sweet things too."

"O-oh. But you still didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did. I wasn't gonna watch you suffer like that."

After a moment of silence, and the arrival of Jean's iced coffee, Jean stated a very quiet,

"Thank you." Eren smiled fondly. 

"No problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's all for the beginning week! 
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying it so far. It's mainly setting the scene for now but more of the plot gets introduced in the next chapter.
> 
> The chapters do get longer as it goes on, too, so don't worry. Estimated fic length is around 35-40K. 
> 
> If you wanna talk more about these gay Germans with me, you can find me as [ FolleseGaskarth ](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you stick around! Please kudos and/or comment! I love interacting with all of you! ♥


	6. I'll Keep a Secret if You Keep Me Guessing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, one whole week gone by! I'd like to give a special shoutout to all you lovely readers who have begun to read the story and have, hopefully, chosen to stick around.
> 
> I believe the set date for posting will be moved to Fridays now (considering I work Monday-Thursday) so expect new chapters then.
> 
> Thank you all and enjoy the new chapter!

They walked back to campus slowly, still with about twenty minutes to spare till Eren's 9:30 and nearly full stomachs; neither of them had had such a filling breakfast in so long. Jean, however, was more concerned about Eren, who seemed restless halfway through their meal, and was still carrying the effects it seemed. 

"Eren, you okay?" He asked as they approached their dorms. Eren somewhat stared at him, seemingly snapping back to reality. 

"What? Yeah, no I'm fine. Coffee just makes me jittery if that's what you're referring to." He chuckled. 

"So you're a mess before coffee and also after it," Jean laughed slightly. "I'm only teasing, of course."

"I know." Replied Eren with a smile. Once they made their way upstairs, Eren stopped in front of his own door before Jean spoke up. 

"Eren, your stuff's in my room, remember?" 

"Oh, uh, yeah, but I just wanna check up on Armin first." He said. 

"Oh, alright." Jean smiled at him before going to grab Eren's stuff for him. 

As he waited in the hallway, however, he noticed that there were no voices from inside the room. There was no way Armin was still sleeping and when Jean looked at the date and time on his phone, he remembered that Armin had a 9AM class on Wednesdays this year, so he was definitely already there. He tried to listen harder, wondering what the hell Eren could be doing in there when he heard muffled cursing. He decided to ignore it and waited it out for a few more minutes before Eren opened the door. 

"H-Hey, sorry about that." Jean noticed he looked a little flushed and was slightly calmer.

"H-holy fuck..." Jean thought as he took in the sight of Eren. "Of course Eren knew Armin wasn't gonna be in there. Did he just... No. He did not just... Oh my god, he totally just jerked off oh god! I don't know whether to be honored or disgusted."

"What took you so long? Armin wasn't in there. I remembered he has a 9 AM." Jean tried to speak as calmly as possible, giving Eren the benefit of the doubt. But the second Jean said that, Eren looked like a deer in headlights. 

"I-I know. I was just reading over a note he left me and thinking of what to respond back before I texted it to him instead."

"Ah, I see." Jean said. Eren's story was believable but that still didn't explain the muffled cursing and why he was slightly pink in the face. He ignored it anyways as he moved to walk Eren to his class. 

Besides, a really hot boy just probably jerked off to the thought of him. It was rather flattering, even if their date hadn't exactly been sexy and what Eren did could be considered creepy on certain levels. Jean tried to consider the positive aspect of it instead, simply choosing to not give it much thought. 

"Wait." Thought Jean. "Had that even been a date? Could that be considered a date? Did we just go on a date?! And split the bill?! No no no no no, I can't stand for that. It obviously wasn't a date. We just went for breakfast as friends is all. No way are we dating. Regardless that my heart beats a little faster around him. I'm just nervous because I don't know what he's like. And I totally did not have to remind myself to stop staring at Eren's eyes during the breakfast. No way. No. Nope. We are not dating. I am not falling for him."

"You okay there?" Eren asked, looking over at Jean who seemed to be battling internally. 

"Oh, what? Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking." Eren cocked an eyebrow. 

"You sure you're okay? You started breathing a little heavier for a bit there." Jean nearly went wide-eyed. 

"D-Did I really?! I'm so sorry, God, I sound so creepy don't I? I'm sorry I just- There's a lot in my mind a-and I'm kinda stressed but I didn't mean to sound so cre-" He cut off as he felt Eren grab his hand and squeeze while placing a soft kiss on his cheek. Jean blushed bright red, happy that the very few people remotely near them were not paying attention. 

"Sorry," Eren said in a soft voice as he pulled away. "I just didn't know how to get you to be quiet without sounding aggressive and I didn't wanna kiss you so suddenly so I thought that would be better. Was that okay?" Jean was brought back from his shock and nodded. 

"Y-yeah, just wasn't expecting it. But-uh, thanks. I get frantic easily, especially when I'm embarrassed. So thanks for helping, I guess." 

"No problem," Eren said with a smile. Jean chuckled nervously. "What is it?" He asked as they continued walking. 

"Nothing, just... Funny how I didn't know you yesterday and then suddenly you're sleeping in my bed and kissing my cheek." He blushed at the floor and now it was Eren's turn to laugh. 

"Kinda sounds like a one-night stand gone right." Jean flushed deeper and Eren personally found it cute how easily he got flustered. 

He would have responded too, but they were now in front of the arts building, Eren ready for his sketching class. Jean found 'goodbye's and 'see you later's awkward so he simply just went to raise his hand as his closer. Luckily, Eren was able to say something to save Jean's dignity from being embarrassed. 

"So, I'll see you later then?"

"Y-yeah, I guess."

"What time's your last class today?"

"Ah, I have two classes today; first, a computing class in half an hour until 11:45 and then my next class is Software Programming from noon to two. So two."

"What building? Science? On the east side, near the computer lab?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Well, I mean, I figure you need computers to make software." 

"Oh, right duh, way to go Jean." He thought to himself. 

"Right, yeah. Why do you ask?"

"I'll pick you up at two. My last class ends at 1:30. We have similar Wednesday schedules, just shifted up a half an hour. I gotta run now, see you later though!" He called as he ran into the building. 

"Later!" Jean called back, watching the tanned boy in black clothing disappear behind the glass doors of the arts building. 

Jean walked slowly to his next class, still about twenty-eight minutes early. Everything seemed too silent and empty now that Eren was gone. It had been less than twenty-four hours and he already missed the pierced boy with that messy mop of chocolate locks and the seemingly strong forearms that flexed underneath that thin, cotton, black t-shirt. Jean couldn't believe how easily he'd grown attached to the boy. Yeah, sure, he grew attached to most people that came into his life and had a fleeting crush and nearly every cute boy, girl, nonbinary, androgynous, and all other genders of people he saw but Eren was... Different. Yes, it was a crush but... It didn't seem like all his other crushes. It wasn't fleeting. It felt like this one was here to stay. And fuck, did he know it was gonna hurt. 

~~~~~

Jean nearly dashed out of Software Programming as soon as Professor Zoe had said the magic, dismissing words. He looked desperate, he knew, but goddamn, he was just so fucking enticed by this boy he barely knew and couldn't wait to know more of. He feared for a second as he made it outside, the afternoon sun temporarily blinding him as he looked around for Eren with one eye closed and a hand horizontally level against his forehead, trying to keep the bright light away from his eyes, and did not see his dark clothing anywhere. He was surprised from behind suddenly, as Eren had been apparently waiting against the wall of the building. 

"I brought you lunch." He said, holding out a bag after having said 'Hello'. 

"Oh, you didn't have to."

"It's fine. I kinda just wanted to. We can go sit somewhere and just talk about our day. I like talking to you." He said it so easily as he walked and led Jean somewhere and Jean was almost angry at how Eren could just say what he was feeling so freely. 

He expected Eren to lead him to a cafe or something but he should've known better, should've known that the mentally eccentric boy would just take him to a shaded patch of grass and lay out a blanket. Eren sat down, opening the plastic bag and taking out two sandwiches and drinks. Jean bit down his blush as he sat. 

"A picnic?" He asked shyly. 

"Yeah, why not?" He asked as he unwrapped his sandwich. "It's not an official date, though. I'll take you on one of those soon." He smiled that award-winning smile and Jean had to look away, pretty sure his face would explode. 

"O-okay," He said softly, simply because he didn't know what else to say. "Oh," He says suddenly as he sees Eren biting into a turkey breast and provolone sandwich. "I don't eat meat." 

Eren swallows his bite before speaking, which Jean appreciates. 

"I know." He smiles a knowing smile as Jean tears the foil, finding a veggie patty sandwich. 

"H-how did you know that, exactly?" Jean asked, torn between thinking 'wow how sweet' and 'wow what a fucking creep'. 

"I asked Armin. Didn't wanna get you something you didn't eat or like."

"Oh," He said in a small voice. He took a bite, willing himself to think of anything but how incredibly wonderfully thoughtful Eren was. He picked up his drink, noticing that it was a Lemon Tazo Iced Tea, his absolute favorite. "God, Eren, I could marry you." Eren laughed, watching as Jean took a sip. 

"It's no problem." He said as he opened his chilled Starbucks drink. 

_"Of course."_ Jean thought, taking mental note of what seemed to be Eren's favorite things. 

"Tell me more about you." Eren asked. Jean swallowed before answering,

"What do you wanna know? You always seem to have the creative questions and I told you most of myself yesterday."

"I don't even know what I wanna know. I just wanna know more about you. Everything. I think it comes with time but I just wanna know your mannerisms and what your different laughs look like and when you're sad even though you're faking a smile. I wanna be able to tell what you're feeling even if you haven't said anything at all. I know it sounds creepy and weird. I know we just met like a day ago but I just... Y'know that feeling you get when you see someone and you just really wanna be best friends with them even if you don't even know their name?" Jean nodded. "That's what I feel with you. I don't know if it's just physical but... I like you a lot, Jean. I can't tell you how yet but... I just do. I find myself wanting to spend all my time with you. Even in class, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry I just..." He trailed off and Jean finally found some dignity enough to look up at him. 

"N-no ones ever said anything even remotely near that to me." He said softly. 

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's cute. It's nice. I find that... I like being told that and all but... You're so very... Passionate. It's a bit much for me." Things were silent as Jean didn't know what more to say before Eren spoke up. 

"You told me not to apologize so I don't know what to say." He chuckled and Jean smiled in turn. 

"It's fine. I'm just afraid I won't be able to keep up with you."

"Then I'll slow down. Anything to keep you around." Jean smiled again. 

"There's... There's something else, Eren."

"What, you got AIDS or something?" He joked with a laugh but couldn't see Jean's smile with his face cast down. "Fuck, shit, I'm sorry, do you really? It's fine Jean I was joking we can deal with it-"

"No, no, Eren, fuck," He said breaking out in laughter. "It's not that, I promise. It's just..." His face got serious all of a sudden. "Armin's told me about you, Eren. I know what you're like. And to put it in blunt terms, I know you're the type to fuck 'em and leave 'em. I might be desperate, Eren, but I'm not stupid. Don't take advantage of me... Please." He added as an afterthought. 

"Jean," Eren nearly whispered after a while of silence. "I... How much have you heard?" Jean cocked an eyebrow at him. 

"Really, Eren? That's what you care about? I mean, you just trying to find what lie to tell me or something? Based on whatever I don't know so you can look better?"

"No, fuck, Jean that's not what I meant. I just... Jean, I don't want you to think of me in that way. I'm not... That's in my past. It's been months since my last boyfriend and I haven't slept with anyone since him. And even then, if I was dating someone, I wouldn't have dared sleep around or anything. I'm not lying. And I know it's hard to believe me, but please Jean, give me a chance. You're different. I've never wanted to try so hard for someone."

"You barely know me, Eren."

"Exactly, that's the crazy part! I can just tell you're different. Maybe I rush into things, maybe I'm too headstrong but goddamn it, Jean, please believe me. Please just... Just trust me, give me a chance. Anything. I don't wanna give up what we might have." 

"What makes you think you even have a chance?"

"The fact that I was under the impression that we've been flirting and that you want me around?" Jean thought about this for a while and then finally sighed. 

"I… Yes, okay, I think you’re cute but you're not the only one with baggage. It's not easy for me to grow close to someone and yeah, I admit, I might be physically attracted to you, in the very least and maybe a little romantically attracted as well but... I'm not that easy to open up. My emotions are a mess and sometimes I just get jealous over nothing or cry for no reason and you seem like the complete opposite so I'm probably not what you want and I know this probably isn't what you wanted to learn about me but I just have to tell you and I'm-"

"Jean." Eren's voice was low and quickly cut Jean off. 

"Sorry." Jean said softly, head hung in shame as he knew he was rambling again. 

"It's okay, Jean. And like you said. I have my baggage too. My emotions are also a mess, everyone's are, mine in a different way than you, however, but you'll come to see it. It's gonna be tough, simply because I'm involved and I can make everything tough. But I wanna try, Jean. I wanna try to make you happy, to please you, to be someone amazing in your life, regardless of my place in it. Just... Let's at least start off being friends okay?"

"Yeah," Jean said, finally able to smile again. "Friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the angst begins. //maniacal laughter. 
> 
> I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry. There will be more angst, don't even test me. (But also more good, fun times, I'm not that mean)
> 
> Anyways, if you liked this chapter please feel free to comment and/or kudos, I love speaking with all of you. And if you'd like to keep up with the story, please subscribe!
> 
> And if you'd like, you can find me as [ FolleseGaskarth ](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


	7. You’ve Got Me Fucked Up and Sold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, friends. Another week (and a day) gone by. I actually almost forgot to post this but luckily I didn't!
> 
> Enjoy the addition!

They finished their lunch mostly in a bit of an awkward silence that left Jean squirming slightly in his seat, he hated awkwardness, his entire life was awkward, and Eren was the last person he wanted to be affected by that. Regardless, as with everything, Eren seemed to accept it and be untouched by it; he almost seemed to not notice it as he continued to bite into his sandwich and occasionally smile at Jean, asking him questions about his day and “What’s CompSci like?”, etc. Jean tried his best to fake his happy answers, halfway between thinking about their previous, heavy conversation topic and also noticing how the sunlight caught on all of Eren’s piercings. So far, his favorite was the black ring on the right of Eren’s bottom lip. Both were nice but, currently, the right one was catching the light of the sun, shining with and reflecting the light. It had a cartoonish sparkle to it, making Eren look more like the punk prince royalty he was. It enticed Jean, so much so, that he could barely catch whatever Eren was saying until he noticed the slightly older boy getting up to go throw out his trash. It was then that Jean realized he had finished his own sandwich as well. He folded the blanket for Eren and followed him, both of them beginning to make their way to the dorms. They parted ways once in front of their rooms, Eren leaving Jean with a promise to text him later. 

“Armin.” Eren says once he’s in his dorm. 

“Eren.” Armin responds in a similar manner, looking up from his book and stilling his pencil. Eren takes a pause before continuing his speech, allowing himself time to dump himself on Armin’s bed, right behind where the blond was doing his work. He takes a deep sigh as Armin turns around in his swivel chair to face him. 

“What’s Jean like?” Armin cocked an eyebrow before his eyes widened with realization.

“Eren, no.”

“Armin…” Eren whined.

“Eren, _no,_ ” Armin emphasized and restated. “No offense, but Jean’s a good kid. He deserves something better.”

“No, Armin, you don’t understand-”

“I think I understand perfectly.”

“You don’t. Armin, I swear it’s different.”

“Eren, it’s been twenty-four hours. The only thing you can ‘swear’ is that you want his ass.”

“Armin, please. Just… tell me what he’s like, what he wants, I want to be that for him.”

“Eren, we’ve known each other for almost eighteen years now. You can’t lie to me.”

“But, Armin, this is new. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Lust has many different facets, Eren.”

“No, Armin, it’s not about sleeping with him. I don’t care about that. I wanna… I don’t know, Armin, I feel like I wanna buy him the world, I wanna see him happy, I wanna see him smile. Goddamnit, Armin, have you seen that boy smile? I swear to God, that smile could bring world peace.” 

“Eren-”

“Don’t you realize I’ve never said this before? About anyone?!” 

“I know, Eren, I know but… You don’t change often. You say it yourself, you’re hardheaded. How could one person change how you think?”

“I’ve dated people before, Armin! You certainly know that, and it’s never been just for sex.”

“I know, Eren! But they never last that long…” He trailed off and Eren forced himself not to get angry; he couldn’t be angry, not with Armin. Especially not when he was telling the truth.

“Regardless, he’s different, Armin, please. I can’t lie to you, you said it yourself. I don’t wanna hurt him. Just… tell me how to win him over.”

“Even if your argument is persuasive, I don’t know, Eren. We’re just friends, we don’t really breach the topic of romance very often besides ‘Oh, he’s cute’ when we see someone walking down the street and the occasional ‘They might be my type’.”

“So what is his type?”

“He’s pan in every aspect of the word. Our biggest joke is that basically everyone is his type.” Eren groaned.

“Do you think I could be his type?”

“Well you do fit into the category of ‘everyone’.”

“So, you think I have a chance?”

“I dunno, Eren. It’s up to him. Like I said, I don’t know much more past that.” Eren was silent for a while but Armin kept facing him, knowing he had something more to say. 

“You never dated him, right?” Armin shook his head. “Has he dated anyone on campus?” 

“Not for certain, but it was rumored that he had a thing with Marco back in Freshman and Sophomore year.” 

“Marco, Marco…” Eren thought. “Oh! Freckled Jesus, right?” 

“Jesus Christ, how do you know that, Eren?” 

“That’s what everyone else calls him! I pay attention even if I don’t always speak up in front of your friends.”

“You’ve been here four days.”

“Very observant four days.” Eren smiled. Armin rolled his eyes.

“But yes, him.”

“Really?” Eren says after thinking about it for a while. “I thought Marco was straight.”

“We all thought Jean was his exception until we asked him. Says he’s somewhat questioning but leaning towards pansexual. We always assumed he was straight because he came in with a girlfriend and never dated anyone after they broke up. The exception being the Jean rumor.”

“But you guys don’t know if they ever really dated?”

“We were kinda too shy to ask. Seems rude to ask, doesn’t it?”

“Not really, I mean you guys are friends.”

“Then again, why ask you, Mr. Blunt?” Eren flashes a toothy smile. 

“You know where he lives, by any chance?”

“You’re gonna ask him, aren’t you?”

“Love knows no boundaries.”

“I could barf, that sounds like such bullshit coming from you, Eren.” Armin laughed and Eren joined him.

“Alright, it’s a little gross to say but still, I like this kid.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I heard your little speech. He lives on the other side of that little tunnel thing, walking towards the dining hall. East Dorm Hall. Fourth floor, Apartment Nine.”

“Ah, yeah, got it. Thanks, Arm!”

“No problem. You can tell him you’re friends with me, I don’t care. Also, go easy on him, Eren. He’s too sweet for you to mess him up.”

“I’m not gonna mess him up!”

“You know what I mean, Eren. Just be nice to him. He’s nice, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, mom,” He taunted, getting up to leave but not before placing a kiss on Armin’s cheek. “Thanks again. Love you, MinMin.”

“Gross.” Armin teased, jokingly wiping Eren’s kiss off his cheek. 

“Armin…” Eren whined from the door, eyes expectant and waiting. Armin sighed.

“Love you too.” He said, finally saying the words that allowed Eren to leave. 

~~~~~

Eren knocked on the door, hearing a bit of a commotion inside before a broodingly tall blond with a short haircut answered. Eren was kind of thrown off at the fact that he seemed to be totally okay with welcoming people in a loose white tee (which actually fit the built boy quite tightly for a ‘loose’ tee) and boxer shorts. He caught sight of Eren and flashed a smile.

“Jäger, is it?” Eren nodded.

“You’re not Marco.” He stated rather matter-of-factly. The blond laughed, a deep, loud noise and Eren had enough time to notice a shy, lanky brunet in the background, pulling at his loose white tee to try and cover his boxers while seemingly trying to see who was at the door, who was also not Marco.

“ _Must be a quad._ ” Eren thought to himself. 

“Nah, I’m Reiner. Armin’s told me about you,” He turns back to the room. “Yo, Bodt!” He yelled into the apartment. A few seconds later, the literal definition of ‘Freckled Jesus’ emerged from the room, rubbing one eye, his dark brown, mid-parted hair somewhat ruffled and in a frenzy, and wearing a matching PJ set: a baby blue t-shirt with blue white-polka-dotted pants, the edges pooling around his ankles.

“Hmm?” He answered in a soft voice before looking at the door and perking up, offering a smile to Eren. “Eren!” He exclaims and Eren is almost taken aback that Marco knows who he is. “Come in, come in!” He says with hand motions included and the blond steps aside, allowing Eren to enter and be led into Marco’s room. “What brings you here?” Marco asks after he closes the door and offers Eren a chair to sit in, taking a seat on his bed and picking up a mug of what Eren has been able to deduce by a tea bag tag as black Chai. 

“Well, I’m a blunt person and I get right to the point,” He warns, not wanting to get off on the wrong foot with Marco. “So, I’m just gonna come right out and ask… Did you ever date Jean?” Marco laughs softly.

“Lemme guess, they were all curious and finally found the right person in our group of friends to ask?” Eren smiled, happy that Marco was so easy to talk to.

“Not really. They were curious but this is more for me.”

“Oh? Seems you’ve got a bit of a crush on Jean, then?” Eren nods. “Don’t worry your secret’s safe with me. But to answer your question, we never did date, no. But if you wanted to know, why not ask Jean?”

“It wasn’t so much about wanting to know if you guys dated, I would’ve asked Jean for that. I just wanted to know, if you guys did date, the stuff Jean likes.”

“Like sexually? Because I know that, even if we never dated.”

“That’s-uh… That’s not what I meant but uh… guess I know the type of relationship you guys had now.” Marco chuckled.

“Yeah, we would’ve told if someone asked, so don’t worry, you can tell Jean I told you. We just never found a need to tell anyone.”

“Can I ask how? You guys became that close, I mean.”

“I don’t know if you heard, but I had just broken up with my girlfriend and Jean and I are pretty close friends. He was there to help me and one thing led to another, we just kinda ended up… making out. And then we thought it wouldn’t be so bad to help each other out. I needed someone to feel close to as closure and Jean needed someone to take out his frustration on. The sexual kind I mean, he’s never been overly rough in bed.”

“How’d it stop?”

“It’s not technically over but we haven’t slept together in about seven months or so. Both got a little too busy, but we’ve never minded. I guess the era ended on it’s own. But now that I know about you, I’ll back down if he ever comes around, don’t worry, but I don’t think he will.”

“You never liked him?” Eren asks before realizing how jealous he sounds. “N-Not because of anything, just curious, really.” Marco laughs again.

“It’s alright. Nah, I could never really see myself with Jean. I don’t know why, we get along so well and everything, but… I just, don’t know. I never felt that way towards him. We were dating basically, just without the title. And neither of us wanted the title. We kissed, fucked, took care of each other, everything. But we were just really good friends. Regardless of how we both tried to look at it, there was no way we could ever call each other boyfriends.” 

“Oh. I see. But-uh, going back to before, I didn’t really mean sexually. I meant like… what does he like in general? Like date-wise or romantically and stuff. Like… how do I win him over? Ugh, I don’t know. I hope you know what I’m trying to ask, I’m really bad at this romance shit.” Marco laughed again. 

“He’s a bit of that old-age romantic. He likes it when you hold doors open for him and compliment him, tell him he looks good and kiss him softly at the right moments. The place of the date won’t matter, though usually he likes night dates like a trip to the movies or maybe a dinner date. But you could take him wherever and he’d enjoy himself.” Eren nodded. 

“Thank you, really.”

“It’s no problem. I don’t mind helping. And I think you two would be cute together. I love odd couple dynamics. Like the flower boy with the punk boy. Geez, you two would be so adorable,” Eren could feel himself blushing as he looked down. Marco laughed as he caught sight of this. “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just think you’d be really good for him.” Eren looked up at him.

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah. You’re the tough type as well. Jean needs that support to lean on in life. And besides, he tends to go for people that are usually his opposite but share some common interests. I’m sure you guys are like that.” Eren nodded and smiled softly.

“Yeah, we kinda are.”

“Then, totally go for it. I hope it works out! Oh,” He says before scrambling for and holding out his phone. “Let’s trade numbers. You can ask me for anything, okay?” Eren smiled fondly; this kid literally was a god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this one wasn't too exciting but it was important for a later part of the story. And it adds some world-building as well. 
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying the story so far! Please feel free to subscribe so you can be notified when I post a new chapter. Also feel free to kudos and comment! It makes me so happy to read comments and respond to them and also lets me know that you guys really are enjoying the story.
> 
> If you'd like to talk to me about this lovely ship and/or other animes and things, you can find me as [FolleseGaskarth ](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks for reading! ♥


	8. Lose Yourself in a Chemical Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome again, friends. I don't even have much to say just... enjoy (¬‿¬)

Jean’s just finishing up a reading assignment when his phone rings. It’s around six PM and he dashes for his phone, having waited so long for what he hopes is a text from Eren. His heart flutters as one text from Eren Jäger appears as a notification. He unlocks his phone, reading,

“ _Remember that date i said id take u on? U free this Saturday night?_ ” Jean’s homework assignment is now forgotten, as well as everything he’d said that afternoon about ‘being friends’ and ‘taking things slow’; Eren reduced him to a fucking mess. 

“ _Im a loser with no life. Ofc im free. What do u wanna do?_ ” The reply was nearly instantaneous, which made Jean smile, realizing that Eren was waiting for him to respond. 

“ _Ur not a loser, dont say that.  
Tbh, I was thinking something simple, maybe dinner? Armin told me about this nice place off campus you apparently like._ ”

“ _U talking about Pixis Palace. Dude that place is way too expensive._ ”

“ _Nope nope dont care were going. Armin says you havent been since last year. Besides, it’s a date, lemme treat you to shit. Pls?_ ” Jean sighs even though Eren can’t see him.

“ _Fine, fine. But Im taking you out one day. K?_ ”

“ _Yay! Ok, sure, sure. But i pick the place?_ ”

“ _No way! Its gonna be a surprise._ ”

“ _Ugh, fine._ ” He sends another message soon after. “ _Hey, Jean. Theres smth else i wanna talk to u about. Can i come over?_ ” Jean’s heart sped up in that ‘Oh no, what did I fuck up?” type of way.

“ _Sure._ ” He responds anyways and less than two minutes later, Eren is knocking on his door.

“Heya.” Eren says. Jean smiles in response.

“So, what’s up?” Jean asks as he sits back on his bed, patting the space in front of him, urging Eren to sit.

“I spoke to Marco today.” Jean cocks an eyebrow.

“O-Okay?”

“About… y’know.” 

“O-Oh,” Jean says as he looks down at his dark blue comforter. “We, uhm… We haven’t in like a really long time.” He tells Eren, regardless that he is unaware of how much Eren knows; he doesn’t want to keep any secrets from him.

“I-I know. He told me.”

“Oh. Then why are you telling me this?” 

“I just wanted you to know that I knew. And I hope you don’t mind.” Jean let the words sit in the air for a while before he realized something.

“You mean to tell me, you had to speak with me face-to-face because needed to tell me that you went around hunting about my past and you didn’t want me to be mad about it?” 

“Y-yes?” Eren admitted, bracing himself for a scream, a punch, or some other negative reaction. Instead he was surprised when he felt hands on his face and--

“ _Is that..._ ” Eren thought. “ _Holy fuck._ ”

Jean’s slightly chapped yet somehow still soft lips against Eren’s own. Eren was melting into the bed, from a kiss. What the fuck was he turning into? What the fuck was Jean turning him into? 

When he pulled back, Jean was kneeling, leaning down to rest his forehead against Eren’s, a light pink dusting over his fair cheeks and a smile playing those now slightly wet lips.

“Sorry.” Jean spoke softly, only half-apologetic in that tone of voice. 

“Don’t you dare be sorry.” Eren responded, half caught between wanting to kiss Jean again and half-frozen by how absolutely celestial Jean looked this up close. 

“It’s just… That’s the cutest thing ever, Eren. Never thought I’d ever see you, with your piercings and black exterior and all, be afraid of anything, much less of me.” Eren chuckled. 

“The way I dress doesn’t change my personality. Of course I’d be afraid of what you think, regardless of how I look.”

“Why?” Eren took a breath and reveled in the way they were having this conversation so close to each other’s faces. 

“I told you why.” He says and he knows Jean knows why.

“I know, but say it again.”

“Thought you didn’t want me to.”

“Eren, when I’m this close to you, I can’t hide from you.”

“So you admit you like me back?”

“Stupidly, I do,” Eren smiles like a fucking goof. “But I still can’t say what you want me to say.” He admits. Eren nods, knowing Jean’s still not ready to take things into a relationship.

“That’s alright. Just promise me you’ll think about it?” He intertwines his fingers with Jean’s, feeling his heart bounce around in his chest and fuck, has he ever felt like this? 

“Of course. But say it again, Eren. I don’t care how, just say it again.” Eren smiles again.

“Because I care about you. Because I want you. Because you’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel this fucking happy in the past two decades.” Jean blushes but doesn’t allow Eren much time to admire it as he leans down to kiss him again. 

Eren can’t tell if he makes some sort of noise into Jean’s mouth when it happens again. He’s pretty sure it was gross sounding, probably like a chipmunk getting stepped on or some shit, but he couldn’t care less as Jean’s hands card through his already messy hair, fucking it up some more and Eren really just… _couldn’t care less_. He wants Jean to fuck up his hair, leave his lips puffy, wet, and red so he could parade around all the campus, proudly and internally knowing that he just got to kiss the hottest boy on this entire fucking campus and Marco has nothing on him, not that he was ever jealous in the first place, but at least Jean likes him romantically. Jean, actual pastel prince Jean, just told him he can’t keep anything from Eren when he’s around him and Eren’s so far up in the clouds because of that, can’t be bothered to think about anything but the boy who’s moving to sit in his lap, the boy who’s tongue is licking along Eren’s bottom lip, asking for permission into his mouth and--

“ _Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck, we’re making out. I’m making out with fucking Jean Kirschtein and we just fucking met yesterday fuck._ ”

Eren’s hands trail to Jean’s hips, holding him close and gently tracing circles into them and fuck the sex. Regardless of how amazing Eren thinks that would feel, he wasn’t lying when he told Armin it wasn’t about the sex. Eren could happily die like this, with the taste of Jean on his tongue, their bodies close in an intimacy that was borderline sexual but mostly about comfort and trust. Eren’s head was spinning with a feeling he’d never known before. 

When Jean pulls back, Eren’s pretty sure he whines, but he holds Jean against his chest, regardless, the boy slipping down to sit sideways in Eren’s lap. It’s a bit awkward considering Jean is just slightly taller than Eren and has to tilt his body a bit, but it works. They stay silent for a while, Jean listening to Eren’s rapid heartbeat trying to slow down and smiling to himself as he realizes that he did that. Eren rests his head on top of Jean’s, slowly rubbing his thumb over Jean’s shoulder, his eyes closing as the rise and fall of their chests sync up together and Eren still can’t get over the simple joy he found in a few minutes of kissing, this simple joy he’s never felt before. 

“I know the first kiss usually happens after the first date,” Jean speaks up first. “But I couldn’t help myself.” Eren can tell he’s blushing and Eren begins to blush slightly as well. 

“I’m glad you couldn’t.” He admits softly. 

~~~~~

After the bit of lingering hesitation that followed Jean removing himself from Eren’s lap, and the awkwardness afterwards, Eren finally decided to do something other than stare at the wall of Jean’s (admittedly well decorated and kept) dorm room. It took little coaxing to get Jean to agree to grab dinner at the dining hall, especially since Eren had probably been hearing his stomach growling for the past few minutes; he really shouldn’t have forgotten any snacks in favor of throwing himself into his schoolwork as he waited for Eren to text him back. Jean practically sprung himself at his bowl of pasta primavera while Eren opted for some lo mein, laughing internally at Jean’s obvious, enthusiastic hunger. They ate in silence in some little booth for a while before the quiet got to be too much for Eren.

“Hey, you said you paint, right?” Jean looked up, halfway between shovelling more parmesan coated goodness into his mouth.

“Yeah…” He said quietly after swallowing his food.

“You ever modeled?” 

“Like… for fashion or we still talking about art?” Eren laughed a bit at Jean’s obliviousness. 

“Art. Like for a painting or sculpture or something.”

“Oh. No. I haven’t.”

“Would you like to?” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I need a new subject for some sketches. I love Armin, but I’ve memorized his face and body by now.” Jean cocks an eyebrow.

“You’ve been here for four days.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been drawing for years. I have at least 100 sketches of Armin just littering the dorm. I had to buy a sketchbook specifically for him. And I threw so many others out.”

“Ah…” Jean continued to eat, now focused on the way Eren’s fingers manipulated his chopsticks, seemingly effortlessly picking up his food. He seemed to be entranced by Eren’s hands, fingers lithe yet masculine, somewhat long but also wide, a bit of a contradiction, just like the rest of Eren. Jean silently wondered if Eren ever painted his nails; it would probably look nice on him, give him a bit of a rougher edge and at the same time a softer one. Jean could get lost forever in the contradictions of Eren and how he was a walking paradox; the happy punk, the dark-skinned boy that always glowed bright, the concerned friend who looked like he never gave a fuck. Jean was so hung up in how amazingly vast Eren was, he was his own universe, he was-

“So how ‘bout it?”

“Hm?” Jean said, snapped out of his trance as he looked up at Eren’s face. Eren chuckled.

“Do you wanna be my model?”

“Oh… Yeah, sure, why not?” Eren smiled a wide smile that infected Jean with happiness, forcing him to do the same back.

“I guess I’ll grab my things from my dorm then and meet you at yours after this?”

“O-oh, you meant tonight.”

“Is that an issue?”

“No, no. Just… I have yet to get used to how forward and spontaneous you are.” Jean gave him a shy smile as Eren smiled back. 

They went back to eating and Jean went back to admiring Eren’s hands. After a while, Eren seemed to notice that Jean wasn’t moving so much and realized that Jean’s gaze was on his hands. Eren tested his theory, moving his hand slowly to different things to see if Jean was following. When he realized he was, Eren laughed to himself before quickly snapping his fingers in front of Jean’s face, forcing the platinum blond to jump in his seat. Eren chuckled a little.

“You okay there?”

“Yeah, no just…” He needed to come up with something to say that didn’t sound as creepy as ‘I was just staring at your hands because they’re nice’. “You’re really good with chopsticks.”

“ _Wow, Jean, you are a fucking idiot._ ” He thought to himself.

“Oh, I have an adopted sister from Japan. She lived there until she was like six or seven and then my parents found her when they visited the country on some medical trip and they said they walked into the orphanage and saw her and they couldn’t believe how sad she looked so they took her home. Anyways, she only knew how to eat with chopsticks and I was a bratty little shit at age seven, so I begged her to teach me.” 

“You get more interesting with every anecdote,” Jean smiled. “Any other family members you need to tell me about?” Eren laughs.

“Nah, it’s just Mikasa. But, if your observational skills are any good, you’d be able to guess another fact about me.” Jean stops and thinks back.

“Considering you were seven, I’d say you went with your parents to Japan?”

“Yes, but that wasn’t the fact.” Jean thinks a little harder, leaning back now and pushing his now-empty bowl away from him.

“I give up.”

“Ore, nihongo hanaseru.” Eren says in a voice a little deeper than his normal and it takes Jean a few seconds to realize ‘Whoa, that was not English’. 

“You speak Japanese!” He suddenly blurts out, maybe a little louder than he meant to, as if he just guessed the correct charade after one too many clues. Eren nods. 

“Precisely.” 

“Got any other languages you speak?”

“Ich spreche auch deutsch.”

“German?” Eren nods. “Where’d you learn that from?”

“My parents are both German. Well they lived in Germany. Mom’s Turkish, my father’s German. Came here right before they got married. So they spoke a lot of German around the house. I picked up on it. About the same for the Japanese. It was all Mikasa knew for a while so while she taught me Japanese, I taught her English.”

“That’s really amazing. But guess what?” 

“Hm?”

“Je parle Français.” Eren stared at him wide-eyed as Jean basked in the glory of having his own little secret.

“I don’t wanna be that person but… fuck, that’s hot.” Jean blushed as he looked down. 

“You speak two languages but you find French hot?"

"Precisely." Eren says with a shit-eating grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere, huh?! 
> 
> ((As a side note, I got the language translations from google translate. Please, I don't mean to offend anyone, so if any of these are incorrect, feel free to correct me so I can make a change. Thanks!))
> 
> **EDIT: A special thank you to [PengaBubbles](http://pengabubbles.tumblr.com) on Tumblr for the correction of Eren's Japanese. They simply made it a little less formal, which is something we both think would fit Eren's character more.
> 
> ***EDIT 2: Another special thank you to [ShadowPrince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowPrince) on Archive for correcting the German statement as well. We're learning day by day not to trust Google Translate aha.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I certainly couldn't wait to post it. Please be sure to comment, kudos, and/or subscribe to let me know if you enjoyed it.
> 
> You can catch me as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr; Feel free to shoot me an ask! I love interacting with you guys!
> 
> See you next week!


	9. History Repeats Itself in Phrases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, East Coast (and good whatever time of day wherever the rest of you are when I posted this) ^-^ Y'all are getting this a little early considering I'm gonna be busy today. 
> 
> Anyways enough talking, enjoy this (semi-long) chapter ♥

Jean's just trying to get into position somewhere in the room when Eren walked in, a seemingly new sketchbook in hand along with a few charcoal and graphite pencils in a thin, metal tin. He stood at the door for a while and Jean froze, unsure of what to do until Eren gave him a look telling him to carry on. Jean awkwardly proceeded, finding some uncomfortable position sitting on the bed; he could see Eren shaking his head as he positioned the rolling computer chair in front of Jean. 

"You're too stiff," Eren warned. "Lay down on your back, your left side to me and look up at the ceiling," Jean did as he was told. "Good." Eren praised and flipped open his sketchbook to the first page. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jean can tell it's a new one and he wonders if Eren plans on filling it up with drawings of him; the thought makes Jean's heart flutter. Eren begins to sketch and Jean does his damnedest not to look at the tan boy as his hand works in swift, quick strokes across the page. He can hear the scratching of the pencil against thick paper when it suddenly stops and he can see Eren staring at him in thought through his peripherals. 

"Look at me." Eren simply commands and so Jean does. 

Jean's heart seems to stop as he notices the concentration with which Eren continues to sketch his laying body and he suddenly wonders why he agreed to this torture, the torture of being studied for hours without being able to move, without being able to speak, but most of all, the torture of having to know that he was under Eren's will for however long the boy wished. Eren doesn't seem to notice Jean's internal conflict, however, and continues to switch between pencils as he lifts his head up and down quickly, writing down every stroke of Jean's body as a line that would build a masterpiece. Jean notices his tongue just sticking out of the left corner of his mouth and wonders if it's a subconscious habit. It most likely is, and Jean finds it adorable as hell. After about fifteen minutes, Eren speaks. 

"Okay. Now lean against the bedframe, sitting with your arms up." He asks as he rolls around to face Jean again in his new position. 

He feels a little shyer in the new position, seeing as how it has a bit of the sexy edge to it, but he does it anyways, for Eren. Around halfway through it, his arms begin to hurt but he does not dare lower them; he knows how annoying it is to be distracted by even the smallest thing when working on art. He powers through it, choosing to focus instead of Eren's hands again and how quickly, yet smoothly, they move. Before he knows it, Eren is looking up, brushing away charcoal dust and asking Jean to sit with his feet off the edge, facing his right and Eren's left. Again, he flips the page and begins to draw as Jean fights the habit to kick his feet over the edge of the bed and instead focuses on a tree in a painting he finished ages ago that is hanging on that wall; it helps to keep his head at the same angle to make things easier for Eren. This one seems to go by faster, whether because Eren knows Jean's body better now or because Jean was lost in thought of the memory of his painting, he doesn't know. But he snaps back to reality with a dip in the weight of the mattress as he feels Eren's hands on his chest and shoulder, moving him to face Eren again. 

"This might be weird but, is it okay if I remove your shirt? You don't have to say yes, only if you're comfortable," Jean nods meekly, already blushing at the thought. "You sure? You don't have to, y'know."

"I know," He says softly. "I want to. I'll do it." And so Eren begins to lift up his tee, just gawking at his flat stomach for a bit and then he pauses. 

"Hold this," He says giving Jean the edge of his tee to hold. He sits back in the chair and Jean burns bright red at the realization that Eren's going to sketch him holding up his own shirt. "This wasn't my original intention," Eren says as he works. "But you look damn good like this. You look like that just from running and swimming?" Jean wouldn't be surprised if his face started smoking. 

"I used to go to the gym a lot and then I started doing yoga and aerobics. It works out my stomach."

"I can see. Not only does it look good but it's a change. Armin has a very flat stomach, it's cute but not toned, just flat. Yours is pretty well defined. And you also have a different style to you. Armin shirtless is cute and innocent, makes you feel like it's something you shouldn't be seeing. You shirtless is... fucking hot, for lack of better words." 

"T-thank you, I guess." Eren grunts a noise in favor of a 'you're welcome' as he keeps his pencil on the paper. 

"Baby, do a thing for me."

"Hm?" Jean asks, pretending he didn't hear the pet name. 

"Pose still looks a little forced. Grab the edge of your shirt between your teeth and put your hands on either side of you, lean back a little but try to keep your stomach kinda flat," Jean does as he's told and Eren's eyes widen before he quickly begins to work again. "Fuck, that's perfect." And Jean really can't believe he's doing this right now. 

Eren takes his time on this one, obviously basking in the glory of Jean's toned, heavenly stomach and the absolutely lethal look Jean doesn't even know his face possesses. He also realizes that Jean's a wonderful model. Doesn't fidget and can pose exactly as Eren commands. He hopes Jean gives him more chances to draw him because this will quickly become Eren's favorite thing. 

When he’s done with that one, he gets back on the bed, removing Jean’s glasses, who, in turn, squints a bit before Eren removes his shirt entirely. Eren also takes the opportunity to unbutton his jeans after asking once more if this was all okay with Jean. Jean’s okay with everything at this point and just hopes he can keep himself in order long enough for Eren to finish up with whatever he needs to do. When Eren wipes away the last eraser shavings of his drawing, he closes the book and sets it aside. Jean doesn’t move, however, and Eren continues to stare at him.

“W-what?” Jean asks, blushing even more, if that’s possible at this point. Eren shrugs and leans back in his rolling chair.

“Nothing.” 

“Why do you keep looking at me?”

“You know why,” And somehow, this is what forces Jean to look away, because he still can’t stand how blunt Eren is. Eren simply chuckles at his laughter before climbing on the bed in front of Jean. Jean finally looks at him again, blushing deeper now, if that’s possible as Eren places a hand on his face. “You’re so fucking cute.” 

“Shut up.” Jean says, trying desperately to save his dignity. Eren smiles wide at this and Jean thinks that Eren literally cannot be real. 

“Can I kiss you again?” 

“ _Yep, Eren is definitely unreal._ ” Thinks Jean before he nods and leans in to press his lips to Eren’s. 

Eren shifts closer, sitting in Jean’s lap as both of his hands come to grab at Jean’s face. Jean’s hands, in turn, get tangled in Eren’s shirt, clumsily clawing at it, attempting to take it off before Eren moves back and removes it himself. Eren is quick to bring his lips to Jean’s again, but Jean stops him, trailing his hands over his toned stomach instead. Eren simply looks down at Jean’s face as he does so, allowing him to explore the newly uncovered skin while also basking in the glory of seeing Jean practically worship him. It only takes a few minutes to Eren to get fed up and lose his patience, swooping in to kiss Jean again, his hands going to Jean’s hair as Jean rubs circles into his hipbones with his thumbs. They kiss for only heavens knows how long before there’s a knock at the door. Jean disregards it, not caring about anyone who dares to interrupt them and so Eren follows his lead, kissing him again, not even bothering to ask if he was gonna get the door; Eren was much too caught up in the taste of his lips. The door knocks again and Jean leans back, sighing as he realizes he’s gonna have to get up before he hears someone fumbling with the doorknob and it’s as if someone poured cold water down his back.

“Fuck, get off!” He whispers harshly, nearly shoving Eren off of him as he buttons up his jeans, hoping his half hard-on won’t be noticeable, and Eren runs to the door, pretending he was going to answer. The door opens in front of him just as he was reaching for the handle.

“Jea-... Eren?” A small boy with a mop of blond hair asks, completely surprised to see his roommate in his friend’s room.

“H-Hey, Armin.” Eren tries to answer casually even though his cheeks must be in flames.

“What are you doing here?” He asks and Eren can hear the condescending tone underneath it as he looks past Eren to see Jean lying half naked on the bed and fuck, this looks so much worse than what it really is.

“Just sketching.” Well, he wasn’t completely lying.

“I see.” Armin says, still not fully believing Eren.

“What are _you_ doing here?” 

“You hadn’t come back to the dorm and you didn’t tell me where you were and then neither of you were picking up your phones so I got worried.”

“Oh,” Eren says, suddenly realizing that _that_ was what he was forgetting to do before leaving the dorm. “Sorry, Arm.” Armin sighs, obviously used to this bullshit.

“It’s fine. Just lemme know next time, geez. You know how worried I get about you. Both of you.” He says a little louder, looking over at Jean who shies away from his gaze.

“I know, I’ll try to remember next time,”Armin looks back at him and he feels like he’s getting scolded by his mom and things are silent for a bit as he waits there for one of them to say something. “I’ll be back in a few, okay?” He finally says and Armin nods and starts to walk away. “Hey, Arm?”

“Hmm?”

“Love you.” He says and it’s almost a question. Armin rolls his eyes.

“Love you too.” He responds and Eren’s heart flutters again with the realization that ‘ _Yes, thank god, he’s not mad at me_ ’. He closes the door behind him and faces Jean with a face that’s equal parts afraid, shocked, and somewhat happy.

"That was a close one." Eren finally says. 

"Y'know, you could've told him." Jean mumbles softly but Eren still hears him. 

"No, I really couldn't have."

"Why not?" Jean asks, somewhat offended. 

"It's not you, I swear. Arm just doesn't want me to date you."

"What? Why? He's not your mom, the fuck does he have any say in your relationships?"

"Kinda is like my mom, to be honest. He thinks I'm gonna hurt you."

"Are you?"

"No! Of course not, Jean." Eren says, climbing on the bed again and kneeling in front of Jean. 

"Then it's my decision and your decision whether we date or not. Not his. Besides, why would he think you'd hurt me? Because of… your past?" Jean asks shyly and Eren shakes his head.

"It's complicated," Eren sighs. "I'll explain some other time, promise." 

"Alright." Jean says, leaning back and relaxing. 

"Now it's my turn to ask a question: why the hell does Armin have the passcode to your room?"

"Not really a complicated thing but I'll also explain some other time."

"Promise?"

"Promise," They were silent for a moment before Jean remembered something. “Wait a second, did you tell Armin you loved him?” Eren laughed.

“Yeah, it’s our thing. It’s also how I know he’s not mad at me. He’ll say it back if we’re cool.”

“It’s cute that you need to check if he’s mad at you.”

“Of course I needed to check! Having Armin be mad at you is like having someone tell you that everyone you love just died, you failed all your classes and they added an extra twenty grand to your student loans.” Jean burst out into laughter.

“You are such a loser, Eren.”

“Yeah, but you love me still, no?”

“I dunno about ‘love’ but I guess I don’t mind having you around.” He teases.

“That’s alright with me.” Eren responds as he presses a soft, quick kiss to Jean’s lips.

~~~~~

It's a pretty normal Friday for one Jean Kirschtein as he's leaving his last class. He hadn't spoken to Eren since that morning, just to say good morning and for Eren to ask what time he got out of class. So he expected Eren would find him sooner or later. About a half an hour later, as he's reading over some notes in the library, his phone buzzes in his pocket. 

" _where u?_ " The stupid text makes Jean smile stupidly at his screen. 

" _Library_ "

" _Go downstairs in like 3 min and wait for me._ "

" _Kk_ " When Jean gets to the front of the main entrance, he sees Eren running toward the building from his right.

"You're free today right?" Eren asks, panting harshly. Jean has to take a moment to laugh at his appearance. 

"Yeah. Why?”

“Come with.” Eren says, straight posture and all smiles again as he grabs Jean’s wrist and starts walking with him.

“Where in the world are you taking me now?” He asks, still completely okay with being dragged around.

“It’s kinda more for me but I just wanna take you regardless.” 

Jean quiets down and enjoys the walk, his not-being-held-by-Eren hand still clutching his Software Engineering notebook to his chest as he walks side by side with the slightly shorter boy. Eren takes a chance to slip his fingers down Jean’s arm between his. Jean looks down at where their hands are intertwined and feels his cheeks heating up but doesn’t move away regardless; he likes the feeling of Eren’s slightly larger hand wrapped with his. They walk silently, Jean not caring much about where they’re headed anymore and simply just enjoying the journey; he finds comfort in the warmth that Eren provides, loves the way other people on campus view them as a couple as he thinks ‘ _Yes, let them believe he’s mine_ ’, occasionally looks over at Eren, studying that soft face with the rugged edges and falls just a little more for him. Jean gets lost in his thoughts about Eren once more, a feeling he’s growing used to, before he realizes that they’ve been walking off campus for a block or two now. Eren leads him into somewhere and it’s only when Jean hears the little bell above the door ringing that he thinks ‘Oh crap, we’re here. Where are we?’. As he looks around, it becomes evident that Eren took him to a tattoo and piercing shop.

“I am not modifying my body.” Jean says outright. Eren laughs.

“I told you this was more for me. I’m not making you poke a needle anywhere on or in you.” 

“Oh, are you getting a tattoo?”

“Nah, not yet. Just another piercing.” Jean just stares at him, wondering where the hell he’s gonna fit another piercing. Well, in all honesty, there’s a lot of space, it’s just that it already seems like so many to Jean. 

“Uhm… Where?” And Eren’s response is to simply stick out his tongue as he turns around to greet the piercer that just appeared whom Eren is apparently familiar with. 

“Eren!” The piercer nearly shouts in the otherwise empty shop. He grabs Eren in a sort of headlock, ruffling his hair as Eren laughs. 

Jean would be fucking terrified if Eren hadn’t been giving a positive reaction. This piercer guy is super tall, taller than Jean even by about half a foot. He’s also buff as hell, and that little tank top he’s wearing isn’t doing much to help Jean feel less worried about that. He can literally see his muscles bulging as he noogies Eren. There’s a blue and purple dragon curving around his left arm and losing itself in the tank top, the head of it giving Jean a menacing stare from the piercer’s shoulder. His face is kind though, straight, pearly whites showing as he laughs, surrounded by a slight bit of scruff dusting down to his jawline, his messy, strawberry blond hair spread over gray eyes, and Jean notices that he has small gauges on each earlobe, both currently holding a curved earring that resembles a dragon’s claw. There are also two thin, black rings along his left upper ear. 

“Augh, c’mon lemme go, Mike.” Eren says, still laughing. The alleged ‘Mike’ releases Eren as the brunet rushedly tries to fix his hair again, which seems to be a lost effort considering how messy his hair always is. Mike smiles and picks up a packaged, sterile needle, switching his glare from Eren to Jean and then back to Eren, asking,

“So which of you is making a hole in their body today?” Jean seems to shuffle away, wide-eyed and Eren laughs at his reaction, urging him forwards with his hand regardless.

“You really think flower boy over here would get a piercing?” Eren teases as he pulls Jean close to him.

“Hey,” Mike puts up his hands defensively. “I’ve had all sorts of characters walk in here. I’m just making sure. So what’ll it be today, Eren?” Eren sits in a chair, bringing another one close to him for Jean to sit. 

“Tongue.” Eren responds simply and Mike gives one short nod and points to a little sink in the corner of the room before going to set up his needles. 

“When’d you decide to do this?” Jean asks quietly as Eren is rinsing his mouth with mouthwash. He spits and wipes his mouth with a napkin before answering.

“About two weeks ago. Wanted to get one once I was around here. Mike’s an old friend of mine, so I decided to wait.” Eren goes back to sit in his chair and Mike returns at that moment, little barbell in his gloved hands, which he places on the table, along with the disposable needle to pierce his tongue. Jean looks over and Eren seems nearly ecstatic to have a piece of metal pushed through his flesh.

“Ready?” Mike asks and Eren nods. 

Once Mike gets the needle near Eren’s tongue Jean has to look away and quickly grabs Eren’s hand, as if he’s the one getting pierced. Eren fights the instinct to laugh, mainly because there’s a sharp object in his mouth that needs to be poked very precisely. He doesn’t even make a noise as it goes through, just closes an eye out of instinct at the slight discomfort; he knew it wouldn’t hurt too much, that it would just feel like a slight pinch. Jean turns back around when Eren taps his hand with two fingers. He speaks with his mouth open as Mike turns to grab a small piece of gauze.

“Wasse so bah.” He tells Jean and Jean is able to translate that to ‘Wasn’t so bad’. He smiles as Eren looks over at him, lips trying to smile as Mike presses the cloth to his tongue, soaking up the small amount of blood. Once the bleeding slows down, which doesn’t take too long at all, he places the straight barbell in his tongue and this time Jean holds down his squeamishness to watch. Eren smiles when it’s done.

“Alright,” Mike starts. “You know the deal. I’d give you two weeks to heal because you’ve always healed pretty quickly. Avoid heavy, crunchy foods and alcohol, rinse with alcohol-free mouthwash and saline water to keep it clean, and try not to bang the piercing around with your teeth. Come back in two weeks for a smaller one, okay?” Eren nods. “Oh, and avoid heavy kissing and oral.” He smirks as he looks at Jean knowingly and Jean looks away, his stomach doing a quick flip at Mike’s words. Eren smiles as he sees this, however.

“I know, I know,” He hands Mike fifty dollars and gives him a fist bump. “Thanks again, Mike!” He calls, heading towards the door with Jean in tow. 

“No problem, Eren. See you soon.” It’s the last thing they hear as the door closes behind them. As they wait for the light to change, Jean notices Eren wiggling his tongue around outside his mouth, seemingly trying to look down at his piercing. Jean laughs at him. 

“What are you doing?” Jean asks. 

“Feels kinda weird,” Eren answers, putting his tongue back in his mouth as the light changes and they start walking again. “Like I knew it’d feel different but I guess I just didn’t know exactly how it’d feel.”

“Looks bigger than what I expected.” Jean states.

“That’s because it is. My tongue’s gonna start swelling, so they put in a longer one so I don’t hurt myself. That’s why Mike told me to come back to get a smaller one in two weeks.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that. Guess there’s a lot more to getting a piercing that just getting stabbed with a needle.” Eren laughs.

“Yeah, I had to do a lot of research before my first piercing,” They walked silently for a while before Eren spoke up. “So would you ever get one?”

“A piercing?” Eren nods. “I dunno. Never really thought about it. I don’t think I could pull it off.”

“I think you’d look really cute with an ear piercing. Maybe upper ear or something. Or your belly button.” Eren says, the suggestions becoming more teasing with each word as he leans closer. Jean pushes him away, rolling his eyes.

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“I’m serious! If you’re on the fence about it, I really think you should.”

“I dunno. Maybe some day in the future.” Eren nods. They’re walking into campus now and he remembers something.

“So I can’t kiss you for a while now.” He says suggestively and Jean’s back nearly stiffens.

“Shut up!” He says, pushing Eren away as he laughs.

“You’re so cute when you get flustered.”

“What makes you think I was gonna kiss you again anyways?”

“Pshht. As if you could avoid getting charmed by my amazingly good looks.” He says, swiftly planting a kiss along Jean’s jawline.

“Eren!” He whispers harshly. “We’re in public.” He says, feeling his cheeks heating up again as a few people walking around them gave them looks.

“Mm, sorry,” Eren says pulling away. “You’re just too cute for your own good.” He smirks and Jean rolls his eyes, despite the red on his cheeks.

Regardless of Jean’s denial, he does end up kissing Eren again, that same night in fact. They start forming a sort of habit, Eren coming over to Jean’s whenever they have free time after dinner, sometimes Eren will sketch him, sometimes they’ll watch something on Jean’s laptop, and sometimes they’ll just talk about everything. The habit begins that Friday night, as they do all three of these activities and suddenly it’s Saturday morning at nearly two AM and they’re sitting up talking, the faint glow of Jean’s lamp illuminating their faces. 

“You texted Armin, right?” Jean asks and Eren nods, somewhat absentmindedly as he’s trying to commit to memory the image of Jean without his glasses, the lilac frames resting on his bedside table.

“After last time, I couldn’t forget,” They both laugh as Eren leans in to kiss Jean again softly. “Told you you’d kiss me again.” He murmurs against his lips, saying this even though they’d spent some time after the sketching and in-between slow parts of the movie locking lips.

“Shut up. I wanted to pretend I still had some dignity left.” Eren chuckles against his lips and kisses him again. Jean desperately fights the want to lick into Eren’s mouth, to feel his newly-pierced tongue and tangle his hands in that incredibly soft, messy hair, making it look even more frantic. He pulls away when he’s afraid he won’t be able to stand it anymore, choosing to focus on the smudged black line surrounding Eren’s upper eyelid.

“What is it?” Eren asks, sensing something off. Jean pulls himself closer into Eren’s lap, his arms wrapped around the tan boy’s neck, as he looks away.

“You gotta stop kissing me.” 

“What? Why?” Eren seems hurt by his words and Jean doesn’t want that; he quickly turns to place a kiss on his cheek and chuckles. 

“Because I keep wanting to kiss you more and I can’t.”

“Oh,” Eren says, remembering the piece of newly-placed metal in his mouth. “That’s cute. You’re so cute.” He nearly whispers as he presses more soft, quick kisses to Jean’s lips. 

Jean smiles against his lips before resting his head in the crook of Eren’s neck. They hold each other for a while, matching their breathing to one another and, soon enough, they’re pretty sure they’ve synced heartbeats too. Eren begins to think Jean fell asleep in his lap and smiles to himself at how cute that is. He continues to rub circles into Jean’s lower back, seemingly soothing the platinum blond. He hits a sensitive spot and Jean arches his back into Eren, humming contentedly. 

“I like your hands.” Jean whispers softly, grabbing one of them and bringing it to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to it before putting it back where it was. Eren smiles at his sleepy behavior.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“You wanna do something tomorrow?”

“Like what?” Jean responds, sitting up again to look at Eren, resting his forehead against his. He notices Eren’s eyes, realizing it’s been a while since he paid attention to them. And what a mistake that was. He takes note of the way they glimmer, even in the dim lighting, and how the golden tone of his lamp bulb makes the amber hues in Eren’s eyes stand out even more. 

“I dunno, some pre-date activities.” He’s brought back to reality at Eren’s voice and he leans back as he remembers,

“Oh, shit, right. Our date is tomorrow.” Eren laughs.

“You forgot?” 

“Momentarily, yeah. I mean, you hang out with me so much. If you didn’t, I’d be more focused on the next time I’m gonna see you.” 

“So you want me to stop hanging out with you so much?” Jean slaps the shoulder his head isn’t currently leaning on. 

“Of course not, doofus. So what did you have in mind for these pre-date activities?”

“We could go into the city and explore since I haven’t been. And then we come back here and get dressed and ready and I can pretend I haven’t seen your beautiful face all day so I can be all the more surprised when I pick you up at eight for our date.” Jean chuckles and presses a kiss to the skin of Eren’s neck in front of him.

“Sounds like a plan.” And it’s the last thing he’s able to say before he slips away from consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hint Hint* I'd keep this chapter title in mind because it means something at the end of the story; they may be song lyrics, but they're not all random.
> 
> Another thing, I did spend a while just googling about tongue piercings and piercings in general to write this chapter (writing really fucks up your search history) but if there's anything I left out, please feel free to let me know seeing as I don't have any piercings. 
> 
> Hope you guys liked this chapter and I can't wait to share more of the story with you all! Please feel free to kudos, comment, and/or subscribe to let me know if you liked it.
> 
> You can find me as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you next week! ♥


	10. The Value of This Moment Lives in Metaphor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, friends! 
> 
> I must admit, this isn't one of my favorite chapters of the story because it's mainly just me being a dork. It's a little bit more of character building but there's also some plot.
> 
> Anyways, enough blabbering, enjoy!
> 
> **EDIT: I'm going to begin adding the songs the chapter titles are from from now on because of [im_a_doll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_a_doll/pseuds/im_a_doll). This one is "Backseat Serenade" (All songs are by All Time Low)

Jean blinks a few times before he fully opens his eyes, rubbing at his eyes as he realizes Eren sitting up and stretching next to him. No wonder he was awoken, he’s such a light sleeper sometimes. He also realizes that this wasn’t how he fell asleep; Eren must’ve tucked him into bed, right next to him, and he smiles at the thought of that. Eren turns around, smiling softly as he sees Jean’s little, amber eyes open and trained on him. He’s about to say good morning when Jean knits his eyebrows in confusion and stares at Eren’s shirtless back. 

“Holy shit.” He whispers.

“Wh-Oh.” He says as he turns around and remembers. 

“You did not.” Jean says as he sits up, putting on his glasses to see better, and shifting behind Eren to trace the design on his lower back with his fingers and eyes.

“I told you I had a tattoo, back when we first started talking.”

“You do not have a tattoo,” Jean says, amusement apparent in his tone of voice. “You have a fucking tramp stamp, oh my god.” Eren rolls his eyes. 

“I was seventeen, okay? I thought it was cool.”

“I cannot believe that you have a tramp stamp. When you told me you had a tattoo I thought, ‘ _The worst place it could possibly be is like, his ass or something_ ’, not a tramp stamp.”

“It’s not _that_ bad, geez.” Eren says, pouting and Jean leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“I know, I’m just teasing, babe,” He tests the nickname, sounding a little foreign on his tongue but it was apparently the right thing to say as Eren perks up a little. “What is it anyways?” He asks, going back to observing the tattoo.

“You’ve never played ' _Attack on Titan_ ’?” 

“Oh, is that that really popular MMO game that came out a few years ago that everyone talks about?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Nah, I never played.”

“Holy shit, you’ve gotta play sometime. I’ll show you one of these days.”

“What’s it about, anyways?”

“Well, massive human-eating titans that terrorize the last couple thousand people alive. And you can choose to play as a member of any of the three military branches. The first branch is the Garrison. They defend the walls that protect all humanity from the titans. The second branch is the Military Police. Theirs is the easiest route in the game. They stay in the innermost wall of the three walls and protect people and the king. Though they still end up having to fight. And the third branch is the Survey Corps, which is always my favorite route. It’s also the hardest. Basically, they’re the ones who leave the walls and fight the titans. My tat is their logo; it’s called the Wings of Freedom.” 

“It’s cool. I like it. Why the vines around it though?”

“I dunno. wanted it to stretch across my back, seemed too lonely with just the wings and it wouldn’t have been a real tramp stamp. Plus they’re in the forest a lot so yeah.” Jean continued to trace the design with his fingers, thumbing the black and silver badge edges surrounding the wings, then using his index fingers to trace the intricate designs of the vines.

“For such a dorky thing, this is really cool, actually.” He teases. 

“Oh, fuck off.” Eren laughs.

“Where’d you get it done?”

“Back upstate.”

“Oh right. I forgot you and Armin are from upstate, too.”

“Yeah. Mike did it actually.”

“Really? He’s done everything on you, I take it.”

“Yeah, I ran into his shop when I got my first piercing.”

“Belly button, right?”

“Yep,” Eren says, happy that Jean remembered. “Mike’s real cool so I always stuck around. Then he told me he was moving shop into the city. And then I ended up transferring from college upstate down here into the city and, coincidentally, it was around Mike’s place. Well, not coincidentally. He told me I should apply here if I was unhappy with my old school. And Armin was here too so I decided it was worth a shot,” He stops talking for a bit before he seems to remember something. “Oh fuck, right, I never told you.”

“What?” 

“Mike recommended the school ‘cause he has ties here.”

“Alum?”

“Nah. You know Professor Smith?”

“Yeah, we take his class together.”

“Oh, right. Well, he’s got a sibling named Nanaba. That’s Mike’s spouse.”

“You’re shitting me. I didn’t know Erwin had a sibling.”

“Yep. Cutest little thing too. They’re andro.”

“Holy shit, that’s so cool.”

“Small world, huh?”

“Definitely,” Jean says, his attention going back to his now new favorite part of Eren. He leans down to press a kiss to it and Eren stiffens at the sudden, uncharacteristic touch, but soon leans into it. “We should officially get up now, shouldn’t we?”

“Yeah, what time is it anyways?”

“Almost eleven.” Jean says, tilting his iPhone dock towards him.

“Shit, we slept late.”

“We went to sleep late.”

“True.” Eren says, stretching and standing, silently coaxing Jean to drag his ass out of bed.

They eventually get out of bed and shower, then getting dressed for their ‘day of activities’ as Eren put it. Jean’s just picking up the last few things he needs to take with him from his room when he notices Eren’s not around. He closes his dorm room behind him, going to knock on Eren’s door when he notices it’s slightly ajar and pulls his hand back.

“...I’m going out with Jean.” Jean is able to catch the end of Eren’s sentence. 

“I thought your date was tonight.” Armin says back, the clacking of keyboard keys ceasing. 

“It is. We’re just gonna go explore the city a bit.”

“Alright.” Armin says, nice and simple and Jean figures Eren must’ve really talked about this whole thing through with Armin; the thought warms his heart. 

“Is it really okay with you?” Eren asks, just to make sure.

“Yes, Eren, it’s fine. I told you. We see each other enough. You’ve met enough of my friends. The brunch can be called off.” And Jean suddenly feels guilty as he remembers that he was supposed to go out with Armin today for brunch.

“You sure? And you’re fine with me being with Jean?”

“Of course, Eren. Whatever makes you happy.” He says with a soft smile on his face and it really makes Jean melt on the inside that Eren seems to care this much about him. “Hey, don’t forget this.” Armin says and Jean, being a sneaky little shit, peeks in from his hidden post next to the door. From what he can see, Armin’s opened a little translucent orange bottle of pills, handing Eren one. Jean cocks an eyebrow at the tiny, red, circular pill; he knows it’s nothing illegal, Armin would never, but he finds it a bit surprising that Eren’s on medication for something. For some reason, he’s driven back to the last time he waited for Eren outside of his room, just a few days ago.

“ _Maybe he wasn’t jerking off after all._ ” Jean thinks. 

“Thanks, Arm,” Eren says after swallowing the pill down with some bottled water. “I swear, I’d forget everything if it weren’t for you.”

“I know,” Armin teases. “You just get a little cloudy-minded. Especially now with Jean around.” Jean can see Eren pouting at this.

“Sorry, Arm.”

“No, it’s not a bad thing. I’m glad he makes you happy. You just tend to forget yourself when you’re excited.” And Jean really wonders what the hell Eren did to make Armin so on board with the idea of them. 

“I know. But really, thanks, Min-Min,” Jean hears more than sees Eren place a kiss on his forehead and the conversation seems to be over. He takes this moment to knock on the door, pretending that he had not just been listening. “Come in!” Eren shouts. “Thought it was you.” He says when he says Jean standing there with a small smile. He waves hello and Armin smiles brightly.

“Hi, Jean.” 

“Hey, Armin,” He says back, just as brightly. “You ready?” He turns his attention towards Eren now.

“Yeah, let’s go,” He says, walking towards Jean and the door. “Bye, Arm. Love you!” He calls out over his shoulder.

“Love you too.” They hear before Eren closes the door behind them.

“You guys are cute,” Jean comments and Eren smiles at him. “What took you so long?” Jean asks as they’re taking the stairs down the dorm complex. He notices a very slight falter in Eren which he probably would’ve missed if he hadn’t been looking at him. 

“Just telling Armin about what we were gonna do and trying to pick an outfit.” He bounces back with a smile. Jean would’ve believed that Eren had just forgotten about the medication or found it unimportant to tell Jean if it hadn’t been for the way his eyes dulled when the question was asked. But Jean doesn’t press him, because it has to be something Eren isn’t ready to talk about. 

Jean starts to forget about the whole issue with everything else going on. They continue talking about both everything and nothing, learning more about each other as they take the train a little more uptown. Before they know it, they’re above ground, Eren seeming to lead Jean even though he’s never been here before as they keep talking. 

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

“Kinda. I looked it up even before I asked you. I mean, Pixis Palace is around here, right?” Jean nods. “Yeah, I found some cool places around here too and I just wanted to come and see.” 

“So where do we start?” Eren shrugs and drags Jean into a bookstore. To both of their surprises, it’s a Japanese bookstore and Eren feels almost ecstatic to see the language he grew up learning after so long. 

“God,” He says as a side comment to Jean. “I can’t even remember the last time I bought a book in Japanese.” 

Jean rests his head on Eren’s shoulder as Eren thumbs through different books on the table, picking up ones that seem interesting. Jean simply stares at the language he can’t make any sense of and wonders if they’ll run into any Korean places so he can try to read some of the stuff he’s been practicing. Eren starts reading the first page of one of them, Jean watching his lips move as he reads it silently to himself and he finds that so fucking endearing it’s not even funny. He places a brief kiss on Eren’s cheek to which Eren stops and then smiles, resting his head against Jean’s as he keeps reading. 

“I think I’m gonna take this one.”

“What’s it about?”

“From what I read, it’s a historical young fiction book about a young prince and his journey through life or whatever. There’s magic involved so I’m interested.”

“I didn’t even know you liked reading.”

“To be honest, I haven’t read a book in forever but I do like reading. I just don’t make time for it. And this would be a good time to brush up my Japanese.”

“You’re such a dork, it’s so cute.” Jean giggles as Eren rolls his eyes and smiles and looks around the store. 

“So apparently there’s an upstairs and a downstairs. Which way first, flower boy?”

“Hmm,” Jean ponders. “Onward to downstairs, punk prince.” He responds.

“Punk prince? That’s your nickname for me?” He says as they start walking.

“Yeah. You don’t like it?”

“No no, I love it. It’s just… you haven’t called me that before. It’s cute though.” He smiles wide as they reach the bottom floor. Jean’s eyes go wide as he basically dashes to the shelves. 

“Look how cute!” He calls to Eren, trying to take in the incredible amount of colorful Japanese stationery and plush toys. Eren stands to his side as Jean holds a Hello Kitty notebook in his hands and on a whim says,

“Kawaii desu~!” In a voice perhaps a bit louder than he should’ve because now he’s got a few girls in the shelves over giving him weird looks. Because a 5’7, nearly 140 lb boy with eig-nine piercings should not be able to sound like a Japanese schoolgirl so spot on. Jean simply laughs, however, at this somewhat impressive hidden talent of Eren’s. 

“You are such a dork,” Jean restates, his statement now proven. They continue to walk, Jean picking up a small plush toy of a chicken, (‘ _Kiiroitori_ ’, Eren tells him) and squeezes it, deciding he wants it and holds onto it. “Which one do you want?” Jean asks him.

“You are not allowed to buy me gifts pre-date.”

“Well, fuck it because I’m going to. Just pick one, Eren. Please?” He says, giving his best puppy-dog-eyed-face.

“Fine,” Eren says, picking up a white bear with a pink bunny-eared hat around his head. “I’ll take _Korilakkuma_ then.” 

“He’s cute.” Jean says.

“They’re all owned by the same company.” Eren says, pointing to the table and Jean thinks that it makes sense now as to why they all look similar. 

They walk past a few more shelves, Eren looking at their calligraphy section and placing back the set he had in his hands when he looked at the price. Jean laughs at this slightly, understanding the struggle of being on a college student budget, even though Jean’s is probably more lenient than Eren’s. Another part of the floor contains sketching pencils and inking pens which, of course, drives Eren insane that he can’t just buy it all. He does pick out a few, however, even opting for some colorful ones to ‘ _try a new art style other than black and white_ ’, he tells Jean. Once they’ve explored everything on that floor and taken all they want and can afford, they trek up to the third floor. Its the last thing either of them are expecting: an entire floor devoted to anime. What’s more is Eren’s certainly not expecting the way Jean’s eyes expand to the size of saucers, basically vibrating with excitement as a small squeal leaves his closed lips. 

“The last thing I expected was that you were an anime fan.” Eren says.

“It’s dorky so I don’t talk about it but,” He pauses as he looks around. “Look how amazing this is!” Eren smiles.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” He’s dragged along as Jean leads him to whatever he’s gonna discover first. The first thing he picks up is a t-shirt from that gay swimming anime. 

“Look.” He says excitedly, holding the shirt up to his chest and Eren rolls his eyes and laughs.

“I kinda want one too.” He says, his words contradicting his previous actions.

“You watch it too?”

“Yeah, I watch anime sometimes.” Jean giggles excitedly as he holds the t-shirt and keeps walking, Eren picking one up for himself as well.

“Who’s your favorite character?” He asks Eren over his shoulder.

“Hmm… Probably Rin.”

“Of course you’d say that.”

“What? Why? Who’s yours?”

“Nagisa, he’s so cute and bubbly.” 

“Of course.” And Jean sticks his tongue out at him.

They walk around for a little longer, Eren picking out some mangas of animes he’s seen before and liked meanwhile Jean opted for stuff he’s never seen before. Jean also took some time to drool over the Iwatobi action figures that he certainly could not afford at the hefty price of $70-$130. He did, however, pick up a small phone strap of Nagisa so he could ‘ _prove to everyone what a dork he is_ ’. 

They leave with their purchases and Eren’s back in control of what direction they’re heading in. He seems to not have any idea where they’re going but Jean follows him anyways; hell, he’d follow this boy into the underworld if it meant staying with Eren. They walk for a few block until they see something they like, Jean gushing over how happy he is to have found his new favorite store and Eren’s smile stretches from ear to ear, glad that Jean’s enjoying himself. They run into a Lush store and Jean drags Eren inside, although Eren wasn’t really opposed to treating himself with fancy soap. Jean pouts over being unable to buy bath bombs (because he doesn’t have a tub to use it in) but instead buys a shower gel and body wash while Eren opts for that really cool clay soap thing they have. Their continued walk apparently leads them to a Korean neighborhood and Jean begins buzzing with excitement once more. Eren’s heart is basically bursting with happiness at his luck; he’s been able to keep Jean happy all day with his decisions. Jean does his best to read whatever characters and words he can, explaining it to a very confused Eren who also finds it inspiring how hard Jean seems to have been studying to learn this language. They buy a few treats at a Korean supermarket before they realize how hungry they are. To their luck, there’s a food court just a building or two over. Jean opts for ddeokbokki (‘thick Korean rice noodles in a sweet and spicy sauce’, he explains to Eren) with a side of fried fish cakes soup. Eren simply chooses a salmon roll from the sushi bar. They sit to eat, Jean’s eyes nearly rolling back in his head as he takes his first bite of the soft rice noodle.

“It’s been so long since I’ve eaten ddeokbokki. This feels amazing.” 

“How can you even spell that?” Eren asks, picking up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks.

“It’s complicated. Romanized Korean has a lot of double consonants and sounds that we aren’t used to saying in English.”

“Well, kudos to you for being able to learn it.” Jean smiles wide after swallowing a bite of fish cake.

“I’m trying my best.” He admits. 

They eat silently for a while before Eren gets up, mentioning he’ll return shortly. Jean doesn’t question it and continues enjoying his food until Eren returns with a small purple box, holding six colorful macaroons. Jean turns around to realize there's a small bakery shop right behind him. He offers one to Jean who, to no one’s surprise, picks the lilac one. Eren picks the aqua one and they bump them together, resembling a toast, before taking a bite. 

“Thank you.” Jean says after swallowing the heavenly soft bite of the cookie.

“No problem, just a little payback for the Korilakkuma plush.” He teases. 

They finish eating with small talk here and there, mostly Eren asking about Korean food, language, and culture and Jean responding with what little knowledge he’s been able to acquire so far. Then it’s Jean’s turn to ask Eren about Japanese culture and the two delve back and forth between the similarities and differences. It leads to more than just the topic of the two countries, however, as they both find out more about each other, one subject of conversation leading to another as most of their conversations do. By the time they’re throwing out their garbage and heading to the bathroom, they’re on the topic of backstories. 

“There is no way you fucking owned a horse.” Eren says as he pushes the door to the otherwise empty bathroom open. 

“I so completely did! Believe it or not, I lived in France until I was like five. We had a farm there and I had my own pony. That’s how I know French. And then we moved here and my parents sold their old farm to buy a new one. But we don’t do much with it. I have a new horse though. And we own some other animals.”

“I don’t fucking believe this. You still own a horse.” Jean laughs and is gracious that the small talk is making the fact that their dicks are out completely invisible.

“Yeah, his name’s Chestnut.” Eren rolls his eyes.

“What a typical rich boy name for a horse.”

“Excuse you, I was ten when I named him.” He says, zipping himself up and flushing the urinal. Eren does the same soon after.

“I think the most I’ve ever had is like a stuffed animal or something. We’ve never had a pet before.” He states, wiping his washed hands on brown paper towels. 

“It’d be nice to own a dog or something with you,” Jean says absentmindedly before realizing he just subconsciously admitted he’d like to live with Eren. Eren catches on, goofy smile spreading from cheek to cheek as he leans in to kiss Jean. Jean goes with it, however, wrapping his arms around his neck, Eren’s opting for his waist as they kiss slowly, softly, lips barely moving in a gentle display of affection. Only when Jean pulls back does he remember where they are. “Least romantic place you could do this, Eren.” His lips still close to Eren’s, speaking in a whisper as if he’s afraid that speaking any louder would make Eren’s lips shy away.

“‘M sorry, you’re just so fucking cute sometimes. I don’t think you even realize it.” 

Eren kisses him again and Jean understands the feeling, understands what it’s like to want to be this close to someone even though five seconds ago you were just talking about how fucking ridiculous it is that you own a horse somewhere upstate. And you’re in a public bathroom. Jean kisses back for a while longer, still upset in the back of his mind about how much of a cockblocker that new piercing is but it’s all alright as Eren smiles against his lips, doing something, anything, to keep himself from opening his lips and poking his tongue around Jean’s mouth. They lose track of how long they’ve been kissing until they hear the slight creak of a door being opened and jump away from each other, Jean pretending to have been washing his hands and Eren pretending to have been drying his own. A young man enters, eyeing them cautiously but not saying anything.

“Ready to go?” Eren asks in somewhat of a rough, cracked voice and Jean digs his nails in his palm, hands balled into fists to keep himself from jumping Eren right there. He nods, instead, as his response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at me, what a dork.
> 
> Also, bet you didn't think I'd put Attack on Titan _and_ Free! in an Attack on Titan fic now did you? 
> 
> Fun Facts!:  
> \- The place where Eren and Jean explored is based off of a real place/area. It's the stretch between 42nd Street and 32nd Street along 6th Ave. in New York City. Kinokuniya (the Japanese bookstore) is located on 42nd and Koreatown (the place with the market and food court) is located on 32nd with Lush somewhere in between, but all along 6th Ave. If any of you live in or ever visit the city, I'd suggest going if you never have, it's one of my favorite places to go. And yes, there is an entire floor dedicated to anime in Kinokuniya.  
> \- While doing research for this chapter (basically googling "chicken rilakkuma" because I forgot Kiiroitori's name) I learned that Rilakkuma condoms are a real thing and I was very tempted to write it into the story but then I thought twice aha.
> 
> Thanks to everyone that's been reading, commenting, leaving kudos, and/or subscribing. You guys never fail to make me happy. ♥
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com). 
> 
> See you next week!


	11. Catch My Breath and Go For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back friends! Another early chapter because I've got another busy Friday.
> 
> Chapter title is from "Guts".
> 
> Thank you all for your kind words in the weeks past. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy this kinda lengthy and err... _special_ chapter. ^-^ ♥

They end up deciding to go back to the college, feeling a little tired from all the shopping and having stomachs full of delicious food. It’s a little past four when they get back and part ways, Eren leaving Jean with a small kiss and a promise to pick him up in a few hours. Jean sighs, alone in his dorm room again and pulls out his laptop, thinking he has some time to work on some homework, and setting his alarm for six PM, so he doesn’t forget to actually go shower. It’s a little hard to work conscientiously with the taste of Eren fresh on his tongue and mind but he gets through a good page and a half of his research paper before his alarm goes off. He rushes to shower, finally one step closer to seeing Eren again. He’s soaping up his hair when he starts wondering what Eren will wear to the date; maybe he’ll style his hair differently, or wear a suit, like an actual, real suit. Jean sighs happily into the vacant communal shower and, for the first time, he seems more excited than nervous about a social event.

He all but rushes to his dorm again, somewhat glad he didn’t run into Eren, as if seeing him would ruin the surprise. He searches for his lilac underwear, his favorite ones, little, cotton boxer-shorts that hug his body just the right way; he calls them his ‘lucky pair’. And then, the moment he knew would come, time to stand in his room for fifteen minutes in just his underwear as he tries to find what the hell he’s gonna wear to this date. He knows Pixis Palace is a rather fancy place so he doesn’t want to show up in jeans, but he thinks that perhaps a suit might be over the top for himself. He prefers oversized sweaters but he’s just going to have to deal with wearing a tightly fitted, v-neck, cable knit sweater. He opts for a blue color, nearly the same, almost aqua, shade of the macaroon Eren had picked earlier; he thinks it must be his favorite color. He layers it over a light gray button-up, slacks matching the color and fitting him in a tighter way than most other slacks. This was a hard pair to find, he remembers as he slips them on, seeing as he has long, thin legs, but these give a bit more shape to his ass, loosening out around his lower-thigh. He looks through his small collection of bowties and thanks whatever god is listening that he got an aqua tie that perfectly matches his sweater from his Gram a few years ago for his birthday. To finish off, he pulls out those rounded-toe, black dress shoes he hasn’t found an opportunity to wear since his birthday Freshman year, back when Marco insisted they all go out to, coincidentally, Pixis Palace, for his 19th birthday dinner. By this time, his hair has air dried in a very sloppy way, so he pulls out his little portable hair dryer and a rounded brush, trying to make it less frizzy while giving it a better form and volume. He also chooses to change his lilac frames for his black ones, making it match better with his outfit. 

It’s about fifteen to eight when he’s finished getting dressed so he anxiously sits on the edge of his bed, clutching his phone in his hand and thumbing through Facebook out of boredom. Nothing much is new in the lives of his old and current friends, just the same old quiz-sharing, idiotic-ranting he’d expect. So instead he opens Tumblr and gets lost in fandom and aesthetic posts until there’s a knocking at his door. Locking his phone, he takes a deep breath and gives himself one more look-over in the mirror, assuring himself he can do this as he slips his wallet into his back pocket. It takes five quick breaths to walk to the door and then another five to muster the courage to actually open it, the crushing realization of what’s about to happen turning on his anxiety faster than ever. He hears Eren call his name from outside, wondering if everything’s alright and he realizes he only put his hand on the doorknob. He opens it while looking down, still unable to meet Eren’s gaze and he can’t ever remember a time he was hit by nervousness this hard or quickly. Even with the door open and Eren there, he feels himself needing to take deep breaths, his stomach seeming to drag in the rest of his body, nearly causing him pain. It hits him, this isn’t just hanging out as friends, this isn’t fooling around, this is fucking serious; he’s going on an actual date and he can’t remember the last time he did. He’s actually about to seriously date someone and he’s not sure if he can handle that. Eren must’ve given him a minute or two on his own before growing worried. He feels Eren’s hand at the side of his face, coaxing him to look up. The touch works instantly, it’s just what he needs to feel the crippling pain in the pit of his abdomen flush away, being replaced with a new type of nervousness, a good type of nervousness, the type that makes you hope you don’t fuck up because damn, a chance like this isn’t gonna come up again.

“Jean?” Eren asks softly, his eyes just as big and friendly as Jean remembers them, holding the blond’s cheek in his left hand, the thumb running over the bottom lip Jean didn’t know he was biting, making him release it and Jean’s heart hammers away in his chest after swelling to a point in which he was afraid it would burst open because there’s no way he should be allowed to feel this way about someone. There’s no way Eren should know exactly how to make Jean feel good, feel better about himself, even with his issues that he’s never wanted to talk to anyone about, this crippling anxiety that destroys him from the inside-out yet has been translucent in his past few days with Eren. How does Eren do it? How does Eren know exactly how to make Jean feel like he’s normal? He doesn’t care. All he knows is that he doesn’t want Eren to let go of him, wants to hold onto him forever and never have to worry about time or other interruptions. 

“Thank you.” Jean says in a soft whisper and Eren doesn’t even question what the ‘thank you’ is for, just accepts it, understands it tacitly. For this, Jean leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Eren’s lips, perhaps a little too hard because he can feel the rings on the sides of Eren’s lip digging into the plush skin of his own. But he doesn’t care, because it feels so perfect to him as he wraps his hand around Eren’s free one. 

“You look… fucking breathtaking.” Eren finally says, standing back and taking in the sight of Jean fully. Jean blushes but snaps to life, realizing he hadn’t even taken in the sight of Eren. But when he does… it’s like someone punched him in the gut, hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

He is wearing a suit. Black jacket with matching black slacks that somehow still compliment and showcase his long legs while fitting him loosely enough. He’s wearing a white button-down, seemingly ironed to perfection which makes Jean smile at the attention to detail, and it’s topped with a tie. A lilac tie of all things. Jean smiles wide as he realizes Eren picked up on his favorite color. He looks down to the shoes his eyes had been trained but not focused on earlier, similar to his own in the color but the toe is more flat and square than rounded. He looks back up to Eren’s face, noticing all the jewelry in his face is different. Even the black lip rings he had come into contact with are now a shiny silver. And so is everything else. Except for the ones on his earlobes. Those are a tie-matching purple, little circular, drums that Jean adores so much. He just has to kiss Eren again, this time noticing that the lip rings are a little fatter than his normal, thin, black ones and man, he must’ve really been out of it for a few minutes there. 

“I just… fuck.” Is all Jean’s able to say as he pulls back to look at Eren again and runs a hand through his hair. Eren laughs and presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“I could say exactly the same, Kirschtein,” He smirks, biting his lip at the same time and it’s such a sexy move, suit, piercings, and all, that Jean has to will himself to look away lest he start kissing Eren right there and they never make it to their date. “Shall we go? Our reservations are for 8:45.” He says, beginning to walk with Jean’s hand still in his and Jean smiles to himself at what he thinks must be the millionth display of Eren’s thoughtfulness in just the past five days.

They end up taking the train to get there, Eren apologizing about how he doesn’t have a car and doubts he ever will. Jean, of course, tells him he doesn’t care, that he’s fine with anything so long as they get there safe and sound. The train ride to the restaurant is quite silent, both boys filled with anxiousness at how this date is going to play out but also falling comfortably into each other as they seem to do every time they’re around each other. The walk there is also silent and Jean realizes just how nervous Eren must be to not be saying anything. He does get the occasional reassuring smile, however, every time he looks over at the brunet. 

Jean takes a big breath as they walk through the doors, the door Eren held open for him, and he smiles at the incredibly chivalrous gesture. The place just as wonderful as he remembers and he tries to remind himself that it’s okay, he’s just there with Eren. Eren who can calm him down and make him feel comfortable. Eren who’s always ready with conversation. Eren who he can never get enough of. He’s going to be okay. 

Eren gives the lady at the front his name, confirming the reservation at ‘8:45, under the name Jäger’. She seats the happy couple with a bright, white smile plastered over her light, pale face, short, platinum blonde hair surrounding it, giving her a more feminine appearance than her face alone would suggest. When her smile fades a bit as she seats them, Jean notices how bored her neutral expression looks, those big, silver eyes making her face look more hardened and Jean’s sure she has to smile a lot to keep the business coming in. When she walks away, he’s brought back to reality, realizing he’s done that thing again where he focuses on minute details to keep himself from feeling anxious. They’re seated in a booth, nice, cozy, comfortable, and somewhat private in the far corner of the restaurant. Eren smiles a soft smile at Jean and the blond does so back, blushing a bit as he looks at Eren in the candle’s lighting, the flame placed in a protective little bowl, allowing for the light to shine and reflect perfectly off of Eren’s eyes.

“Y’know,” Eren begins. “Your eyes are the most beautiful thing in the world.” Jean lifts his head up from where it was leaning on his palm.

“W-what?” It’s all he’s able to say as he’s staring at the ocean around time of a sunset, all withheld in Eren’s eyes. He couldn’t possibly believe his eyes are endearing to someone like Eren. Eren laughs at his response.

“I’m being serious. I know I don’t say stuff like that but, I dunno, I was just looking at them right now and I catch myself doing that a lot. It’s like…” He pauses to think and Jean’s still in his shocked stupor, amazed that he’s never caught Eren looking at his eyes. “They’re like different layers of honey. Or like small pieces of unpolished amber thrown together.” And Jean’s actually fucking blushing again. He’d made it a grand total of probably four minutes into the date.

“I like your eyes better.” He simply says. 

“Yeah they’re nice,” Eren admits. “A lot of people compliment them but, I don’t know, I like yours better. Like, you can find blue eyes anywhere, but your eyes are different. Hazel itself is hard to come by, but yours aren’t even hazel, they’re like amber. I’ve never seen that before. They’re almost golden. Like you’re hiding the sun in your eyes.” Eren’s just about to reach out to touch his face when their waitress appears, a petite, young woman with light ginger hair down to her shoulders, big hazel eyes shining almost yellow as a wide smile took place on her features.

“Sorry for the wait,” She says in a small voice, placing menus in front of them both. “Good evening. My name is Petra and I will be your server for this evening. Can I get you gentlemen anything to drink?” 

“Just water is fine.” Eren says, already looking over the menu.

“Same for me.” Responds Jean, stuck on the fact that they almost have matching eye colors.

“Alright, then.” Petra nods and heads on her way.

“Did you not notice that?” Jean says to Eren across the table.

“Notice what?” He says, finally looking up from the menu.

“She has eyes like me. And here you are saying you’ve never seen that before.”

“She does? I didn’t notice.”

“They’re so bright, how did you not see them?”

“Now you know why I noticed yours.”

“My eyes are narrow and small.”

“They’re beautiful.”

“Hers are better.”

“No they’re not. They didn’t grab my attention long enough for me to notice them.”

“Because you didn’t look at her.”

“Sure I did. I just didn’t care. Why would I when you’ve ruined me for anyone else?” Jean stammers and blushes.

“Shut up.” He says hiding his face in his menu. Petra returns then with two glasses of ice cold water.

“Are we ready to order?” 

“Not yet,” Responds Eren and she leaves them with a promise to return in a few minutes. “Nope.” Eren says once she’s gone.

“‘Nope’, what?”

“I don’t like her eyes. They’re nothing like yours. Yours hold a galaxy of bright stars. Hers look like old man piss in the morning.”

“Real charming, Eren,” Jean says, even though he’s laughing. “Besides, I still like yours better. Every time you’re in this type of lighting, they look like the sun setting over the water.” Eren smiles brightly.

“That’s cute. That’s such a cute thing you just said. You’re adorable.”

“I’m being serious!” 

“I know, I know. I’m not demeaning you. I’m just saying, you’re fucking cute. And thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jean responds, only able to hold Eren’s gaze for a moment longer before needing to retreat into the safety of looking at food options.

Luckily for Jean’s guilty anxiousness, the vegetarian options seem to be cheaper than the non-vegetarian options, so he doesn’t feel so guilty about ordering something he actually wants. He ends up ordering a cauliflower and goat cheese souffle with a lentil salad as a side. Eren goes for a bacon and onion tart, taking a cheesy onion soup as his side. After they order and Petra collects their menus with that eternal, yet somehow always genuinely warm, smile, they’re free to go about their own devices. 

“So tell me about this place,” Eren says. “Why do you love it so much?”

“Well, it’s French cuisine. Reminds me of home and my mom’s cooking.”

“Mm, I see. Armin brought you here?” He says, picking up Jean’s hand absentmindedly and tracing circles into his palm with his index finger. Jean smiles as he keeps talking.

“Nah, Marco actually.”

“Oh?” Eren says cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, it was for my nineteenth birthday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a date or anything. We came here with friends.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered if it was a date. You didn’t know me back then.” He says with a small smile, attention back on Jean’s face instead of his hand now.

“I see you’re not the jealous type.” Jean comments.

“Nothing to be jealous over. You’re with me now, that’s all that matters.” Jean giggles slightly, feeling his face go hot again and he fights the urge to pull his hand back and hide his face a bit.

“I guess that’s true.” He finally responds in a soft voice. 

“So your mom cooked a lot at home?” Eren asks, delving right into another conversation and Jean loves how he doesn’t even have to try; Eren seems to enjoy learning more about Jean.

“Yeah. I remember coming home from school and she’d always be slaving over a hot stove, making something, anything for dinner. It was always really good. I kinda miss that now. It’s my favorite part of the holidays, getting to go back and taste her food again.” Eren smiles at the memory, all nice and domestic in their minds, as his hand shifts to hold Jean’s instead now.

“Your mom didn’t work?”

“She did, still does. Is a receptionist at a dentist’s office not too far from home. But she has weird hours. Goes in to work at six in the morning and is out by two. I was usually home by around three or three thirty so she’d already have something cooking in the kitchen. Then we’d wait until around five-thirty for my dad to get home so we could eat.”

“What does he do?” 

“Vice president to a farm management company or something. I never understood it too much. It brings in money, though.”

“So that’s how you guys have so much money.”

“That and we come from a long line of wealth. Grandparents and great-grandparents and all the greats before that have been loaded. Think somewhere along the line someone invented some farming method or other that made us a load of money.”

“How lucky for you.” Eren teases.

“Yeah,” Jean says, smiling back. “What about you? What do your parents do?”

“Mom was a nurse. My father was some type of doctor. Surgeon, I think.”

“Was? What do they do now?”

“Well, Mom’s currently taking up a nice spot upstate near the house six feet under. My father, well, I hope he’s about the same.” It takes Jean a few moments to register what Eren’s saying and he goes rigid at the realization. 

“Oh… Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, Eren.” He pulls his hand back, hiding his face in his palms, nearly crying about how badly he fucked up.

“Hey, hey,” Eren says, arms around Jean’s wrists in a soothing, soft manner. “Jean, babe, it’s okay,” He coaxes and Jean lets down his guard a bit, enough for Eren to wrap his hands around his. “It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it,” He pushes Jean’s glass of water closer to him, silently telling him to take a sip. Jean does and Eren goes back to holding his hand. “Seriously, it’s fine. I really don’t mind,” Jean nods, calming himself down again. “You okay?” Eren asks as Jean looks back up at him.

“It was just insensitive. I should’ve thought about that beforehand.”

“There’s no way you would’ve known, Jean. It’s fine. I told you, I don’t mind talking about it,” Eren’s words along with his thumb over the back of his hand, is calming.

“So, uhm… Wh-What happened, exactly?”

“With my parents?” Asks Eren. Jean nods.

“Mom ended up dying from Leukemia. It happened really quickly and I don’t remember much of it. I was around thirteen or fourteen when it happened. It was too late to really do anything. My Father- y’know what? I don’t like calling him that. Grisha. His name was Grisha. So Grisha decided that he didn’t wanna pay for anything, apparently my mom wasn’t worth it. He transferred her to a hospice and Grisha kept saying that it was too late, no amount of money could cure her. So he didn’t try. And she died there after about a month. Grisha stayed with Mikasa and I for about a month before he kept going off about how ‘Mom’s death was too much for him’. He left one night, never came back. Kept claiming us though, kept lying about how he lived with us. When Mikasa turned 16, she took things to court, she was sick of it. Tried to sue Grisha but they couldn’t find him; old bastard was good at hiding himself, no paper trail. Since ‘Kasa was 16, they let her keep me and the house. They were supposed to wait two years but they took pity on the abandoned orphans. We promised to work and stay in school to support ourselves and we got some money help from the government. We worked our asses off to get to college, she stayed close to the house, not wanting to give it up and leave it alone, no one else was gonna take care of it. She told me to go away for college, and she’d see me during breaks. So I did just that. We still don’t know where Grisha is but neither of us really give a damn. We hope he’s dead. That’s the least he owes us.” Even though it wasn’t Jean’s story, he was the one on the verge of tears; Eren seemed completely fine, however.

“I… I’m so sorry, Eren.” Jean says, wiping away a misty eye.

“Hey, hey,” Eren grabs both of his hands. “The hell are you crying for? It’s fine,” The words make Jean burst into more tears, however. “Kirschtein, hey,” Jean sniffles and looks up, taking his hands back to wipe his eyes. Eren helps with a napkin. “Hey, it’s fine. I promise. Why are you crying?”

“I just-” He takes in a deep, short breath, still a bit overwhelmed. “I’m sorry, I’m just kind of emotional sometimes,” He sniffles and wipes his eyes, ceasing his crying. “I just feel bad. You don’t deserve any of that. I grew up with such a nice, loving family and you had to go through so much and you really don’t deserve it.”

“No one deserves it. It’s just life, it happens. But my life has gotten better. I don’t mind that it’s just Mikasa and I. We get along, she takes care of me, we learned how to be independent. And yeah, I miss my mom, it’s weird not really having known too much about her, but it’s okay. I think I’ve turned out alright. Don’t you?” Jean laughs a little.

“Of course I do, Eren.” Their food arrives just as Jean’s starting to calm down a bit. 

They dig in immediately, realized how famished they were after such heavy conversation. They continue talking, but about much smaller things. Jean notices that Eren brings this up in order to stray away from worrying Jean again and it makes Jean’s heart so heavy with emotion he could just leap across the table and kiss him. He’s fucked up this whole date, said the wrong thing, broke down, cried, made a fool of himself but Eren’s still there, still trying to get to know him, still laughing at his jokes, smiling at him, making him feel welcome. Jean really can’t stand it. There has to be some catch to it all. 

“Eren, what the literal fuck?” Jean finally asks as their both finishing up their meals. Eren cocks an eyebrow at him. 

“What? Is there food on my face or something?” Jean laughs.

“No, no. I meant… why? Why are you still here?”

“Be more specific. In this state, at this college, or literally here with you?”

“Literally here with me.”

“You know why.”

“No. I don’t believe that. I made a fucking fool of myself tonight, Eren. And you’re still here.”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”

“Of course I did. Who the hell gets so panicked over things like that? It’s not normal.” 

“I’m okay with accepting you and your issues.”

“I shouldn’t have any issues.”

“Oh fuck that. I think you’re perfect and you are. Perfect with all your imperfections.” Jean refuses to let the way his heart flutters stop him from speaking.

“Eren I’m fucking weird. Why are you so interested? I know you could do so much better.” Eren shakes his head as Petra arrives again, picking up their plates and asking if they’d like dessert. Before Jean can say no, Eren orders a creme brulee and continues talking once she’s gone.

“I told you, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“It hasn’t even been a week.” Eren shrugs.

“I can already tell. I told you, I move fast, I dive into things, I always have. But this is different. You’re different. Y’know I’ve never been on a real date before? I’ve never asked a guy out. Never asked him to actually go to a restaurant with me.”

“Yeah, and look how great that turned out.” Jean says sarcastically.

“You shitting me? I’m having the time of my life. Seriously. I like being here with you. I didn’t expect everything to go perfectly at all. I knew with our personalities something would go wrong. But it’d go wrong in the best way.”

“You barely know me, Eren. How can you have my personality pinpointed?”

“What? You think I haven’t met people with social anxiety before?” Jean stops. 

“What?”

“You thought I couldn’t tell?”

“Couldn’t tell? What? What the hell are you talking about?” This time it’s Eren’s turn to be confused. 

“You mean, you don’t have social anxiety?”

“No? What? I mean, I don’t know.”

“You’ve never been to a doctor for your constant nervousness?”

“No? I thought it was just normal for me to be shy all the time. Isn’t it?”

“Jean, I mean no offense but, have you analyzed yourself lately? Shy people don’t basically breakdown in regular social situations. Shy people don’t avoid interactions. Shy people don’t lose themselves when they say something wrong in conversation. They’re just shy, but they can also be loud and open. You act like a socially anxious person. You’ve never noticed that?”

“No. I really always thought it was normal.”

“You still are normal, you’ve just got your little quirk. I told you I’ve got mine too,” An image of that little red pill flashed through Jean’s mind suddenly but he still didn’t ask. “We should take you some day. To get checked. You could probably get treated for it.” Jean perked up.

“There’s treatment for it? You mean I don’t have to live my entire life afraid of other people?” Eren chuckles at the cuteness of Jean’s sudden happiness and optimism.

“Yeah. If you do really have social anxiety, you could get medication for it.”

“Wow.” Jean says, in wonder of what it would be like to not be full of crippling fear at every mention of a social situation. Petra’s right on time with a freshly baked creme brulee that the boys thank her for as she bows and backs out.

“But hey,” Eren says, dipping his spoon into the dessert. “No matter what I just said, regardless of whether you do have it or not, regardless of if you need medication or not, you know you’re still wonderful right?” Jean blushes, picking up from of the treat for himself as well. 

“Thank you, Eren, really.” Because he can’t speak enough words in the moment to explain to Eren how much he loves the boy with a shattered past who understands him, knows just what to say to him about everything, always knows how to make Jean feel at home, something no one else can really do except for maybe Marco. Even though they’ve just recently met, Eren’s doing everything he can to help Jean, make him feel more comfortable. And Jean notices it. Notices that except for a few instances, he hasn’t had to feel weird when going out in public. Hasn’t shied away from Eren’s offers to go outside. Eren has helped him feel more comfortable. And he’s never met anyone like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the angst. ~~But I'm also not sorry.~~
> 
> Next chapter will be _much_ happier. ~~Oh wait, I lied. I'M SORRY OKAY~~
> 
> Side note: The lady who sat our lover-boys was Rico. I very much happen to like her appearance, honestly. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter. You can find me as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com) on Tumblr. Also, feel free to kudos, comment, and/or subscribe to let me know you enjoyed it.
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you next week! ♥


	12. Sail it on to Another Sorry Shore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! 
> 
> Ah, so we finally get to the interesting stuff, huh? Hope you guys like this chapter.
> 
> Please read the end notes for some update information.
> 
> Chapter title is from "Tidal Waves"
> 
> Enjoy!

They head out after Eren pays for the meal, refusing so much as a tip to Petra from Jean, giving her the tip himself instead. The train station is pretty empty after just past ten PM, nearly 11 PM. Their next train is scheduled to arrive in fourteen minutes and Jean would want to stab himself at the wait if it weren’t for Eren being there and talking to him in the corner of the semi-abandoned train station. The conversation isn’t important so Eren ends up letting his lips linger to Jean’s as his sentence dies off. And suddenly they’re kissing, nice and soft as Eren presses Jean up against the wall that takes up half of the station’s walkway, all the way at the end of it. Jean pulls back reluctantly after a little while.

“E-Eren,” He whines in a breathy way and it really does not make Eren want to back off at all. “What if someone sees?” Eren smirks mischievously and Jean knows he’s done for when he sees that glint in his eyes. 

“So what? Let them know that you’re mine right now.” They kiss again, and again, and a few more times after that before Jean starts to notice Eren discreetly rubbing up against him.

“Eren!” He whispers harshly. “We’re in fancy clothing coming from a date. Stop that, its embarassing.”

“Mm, but baby…” Eren whines, kissing him again and again, too gone to make a compelling argument. 

Jean isn’t having it. He pushes Eren away, pressing him against the wall instead and Eren cocks an eyebrow at him flirtily. Jean rolls his eyes, turning around and pressing his back into Eren’s front to keep the boy pinned there. He soon realizes his mistake, blushing as Eren’s hands trail over his front.

“So you’d rather be like this, huh? Kinda kinky don’t you think?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jäger,” He manages to spit out as Eren starts kissing at his neck and trailing his hands along his body. Eren simply chuckles against his skin, nipping at different spots that seem to be sensitive as Jean tilts his head more to the side to give him access. It takes very little for Jean to start feeling a stirring in his pants as Eren continues to grind against his backside; he can practically feel Eren’s growing erection between his- “Eren, seriously, it’s indecent to get on the train with a boner.” Eren laughs again against his skin but does stop his ministrations that time, just as the lady over the intercom announces that there’s an downtown train approaching the station. 

The rest of the trip goes by without event, minus the few kisses Eren presses against Jean’s temple, all of which cause Jean to burn bright red as he notices some other people on the train staring. They make it back to the dorms and Jean’s had enough of this; he can’t stand to spend one more second thinking about Eren’s soft lips against any part of his body without feeling it. Eren’s just about to kiss him after saying ‘goodnight’ when Jean interrupts him.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jean asks, grabbing Eren’s wrist, opening his door, and pulling Eren inside before closing it, tossing him on the bed before climbing over him. He starts kissing him right away, grabbing one of Eren’s hands as the brunet’s other trails along his back. 

“Jean,” He says sounding breathless and it thrills him to not only hear Eren speak like that but also say his name like that. “What are you doing?” He mutters against his lips, kissing him harder, trying desperately to keep his tongue in his mouth as he starts untucking Jean’s shirt from his pants. 

“Just let me do this, you got me all worked up.” Jean starts pulling off Eren’s jacket, leaving kisses, wet, sloppy kisses all over his neck. 

Eren allows Jean to do whatever he wants, not caring anymore and giving Jean full reign over how he wants to destroy him. Eventually his jacket and pants come off too and now Jean’s down by his stomach, kissing the hardened muscle with an adoration close to worship, tongue licking softly in little swipes, the feeling intensified by Jean’s plush lips. He tugs softly at the little barbell in Eren's belly button while looking up, flashing him a teasing smile before continuing to kiss along his open skin lovingly. Eren's hand combs through Jean’s hair smoothly, looking down at Jean who’s currently gripping the edge of Eren’s boxers with his teeth, giving Eren a similar look to the one he had when Eren first sketched him; it makes his dick twitch in his underwear and he nearly wants to punch himself when he says,

“Wait, Jean, wait.” Jean drops the band from his teeth and moves back up Eren’s body, kissing him softly.

“What is it, babe?” Eren shivers, Jean’s voice all but wrecked as he whispers the sweet words against his lips.

“Fuck, you’re wearing too much.” Eren says, gripping that godforsaken sweater that hides his lover’s body from him. 

He removes his clothes slowly, not wanting to damage them in the process, knowing how eager he can get. Jean’s just pulling off his pants when Eren places his hands on those silky, soft thighs, practically hairless and milky-white as he pulls him closer, Jean’s pants no longer an issue. Jean’s now sitting on his chest, making it easy for Eren to lift his head up and press a soft kiss to the erection constrained by those soft, lilac briefs. Jean blushes, letting out a small whine as he looks down at Eren.

“You look so fucking good in lilac.” Eren whispers against the cloth.

“C’mon, don’t tease me,” He whispers. “Lemme take care of you,” He makes his way down Eren’s body, kissing again every so often but mainly focused on getting to his main goal. “Th-this is okay, right?” He asks as he hooks his fingers in the band of Eren’s underwear. Eren nods enthusiastically.

“Of course.” He manages to breathe out, watching as Jean rids him of his underwear, quickly taking him in his hand. 

Eren grunts at the feeling of Jean’s hand on him. It isn’t the best feeling considering there’s only a small amount of precum to lubricate the process but he doesn’t mind; the perfect pressure Jean’s using makes up for it. He ends up making it work anyways when he presses a kiss to the tip before opening his mouth a little more to take the tip of his dick in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the slit and Eren has to grip Jean’s hair to keep himself from cumming too soon. Jean pulls off suddenly, looking up at Eren as he goes,

“Tell me if it’s good, okay?” Eren nods again and-

“ _God, he’s so fucking cute, needing to ask for my approval and shit. I could die._ ”

His thoughts are cut off as Jean takes about half of him in his mouth, moving up and down slowly, swirling his tongue around as his hand works the rest of what he can’t take in. Eren gets slightly more vocal, moaning a little louder as Jean starts to take him in deeper before Eren realizes he can feel Jean’s nose against the hairs at the base of his shaft. 

“Fuck, baby…” He moans, dragging out the words as Jean looks up at him, still bobbing up and down slowly, his amber eyes shining brightly in the light of the lamp they had the decency to turn on before starting this whole affair.

He starts tugging on Jean’s hair, using it as a means to keep hold of himself when he realizes that the particularly hard tugs make Jean moan around his dick. He leaks a little into the blond’s mouth at the realization of how kinky he is. Eventually, Jean doesn’t need his hands anymore and chooses to rest them against Eren’s hips before slowing his movements to a stop. Eren looks down at him, dick twitching and leaking a little more as he sees Jean looking up at him, rutting his hips against the bed.

“What is it?” Eren asks, still wondering why Jean stopped. 

Jean taps his hips and when Eren doesn’t get it, Jean grips his hips tight and lifts them towards his mouth. Eren suddenly gets the idea, thrusting his hips up fast and hard; Jean’s little mewl around the cock in his mouth lets Eren know that he did the right thing and it gets Eren closer than ever to think that Jean likes to be roughed up a bit. 

“J-Jean, I’m gonna…” He warns, fading off as his thrust come faster into Jean and he moans, thinking about how Jean must feel inside if his mouth is this wet and warm.

He ends up cumming as Jean lets up, holding his hips down and licking a slow stripe along the tip as he looks directly at Eren. He shuts his eyes tight, feeling numb for a moment as he cums, moaning low and deep. It’s only when he opens his eyes and looks down at Jean, coming down from his high that he notices that the boy has crawled up, sitting on his chest now. He also notices that he accidentally came all over Jean’s face, but he doesn’t seem to be complaining. Eren sits up, leaning over to pick up a tissue and wipe Jean’s face when he sees the blond running a finger through the mess on his cheeks and sucking on it. Even though he’s spent, he’s pretty sure Jean can feel the way his dick twitched against his ass. 

“You’re just full of kinky little surprises, aren’t you, Kirschtein?” He asks and Jean nods, shy and soft while looking at Eren, finger still in his mouth and the expression is so innocent that he almost forgets the fucking cockblocker of a piercing and kisses Jean long, wet, and hard. “Fuck, baby, you’re so fucking hot,” He leans in to kiss Jean’s neck, simultaneously gripping that incredibly plush and round ass, still encased in underwear for some reason and it bothers Eren. He pulls the lilac fabric off of Jean’s body, pumping his painfully hard erection in his hand which causes Jean to let out the cutest little mewls and moans that Eren has ever heard. “Sorry, baby,” He says into Jean’s ear, soft and lowly. “You’re gonna have to get by with a handjob today.” Jean nods, understanding why.

“‘s okay. J-Just get the lube in the drawer over there.” He gets out in pants as he grinds against Eren’s hand. Eren does as he’s told, grabbing the bottle and pouring some on his fingers, enjoying the whine that leaves Jean as his hand stops pumping him. He’s right back it at, however, rubbing his slick hand along Jean’s erection in a perfectly-timed motion. It doesn’t seem to be enough for Jean, however; sure, he’s panting and moaning softly but Eren wants to see him reduced to a fucking mess.

“Does it feel good? You like fucking my hand, babe?” He all but growls lowly into Jean’s ear. Jean lets out a breathy little moan. Bingo. 

“Mhmm…” He breathes out. 

“C’mon, lemme hear you,” He whispers against his lips before kissing him softly and rubbing his thumb over the head of Jean’s dick. That certainly gets him to moan against Eren’s lips, thrusting his hips faster. “Look how wet you are, baby.” He tells Jean, making them both look down at the erotic sight of the leaking head of Jean’s dick poking out from the tunnel of Eren’s fingers. Jean practically whines, sounding like he’s close to tears at the feeling.

Eren has to admit that the feeling of Jean’s ass on his dick has made him hard again and Jean has certainly noticed as he grabs Eren’s dick in his hands, pressing it against his own erection while adding a little more lube. They continue to jack each other off before Eren pushes Jean’s hand away, taking them both in his own hand and Jean moans high-pitched and loud, feeling Eren against him. Jean kisses him softly, arms going around his neck, mainly just grunting against his lips.

“F-faster, Eren, I’m close.” He warns, as Eren’s other hand trails to his ass, cupping it and gripping it tightly. 

Jean whines, pants turning into little moans and Eren knows just what to do to send Jean over the edge; he slaps his ass, once, hard and Jean practically shouts, would’ve shouted if it hadn’t been for the way he bit Eren’s shoulder, muffling the noise a little. Feeling his cum all over himself and his erection makes Eren lose himself again, cumming over both of them, dirtying their chests. They breathe heavily, leaning against each other in their sitting position for a while, trying to even their breaths. 

“You made a mess of me,” Eren comments as he looks down at himself. Jean smirks, leaning down to lick the cum off the head of Eren’s over sensitive dick, ass swaying in the air slowly for those few seconds. “You’re a little cumslut.” Eren says as Jean decides to clean the rest of the mess with a few napkins.

“I deny nothing.” Jean says with a little smirk and kisses Eren again. 

They kiss for a while longer, eventually shifting to get under the covers and kissing lazily, the movements eventually halting to just closed eyes and closely placed lips. 

~~~~~

When they wake up, it’s just around after nine AM. Jean groans, putting on his glasses as he reads the time, preferring to sleep in more on Sundays but also knowing that he has a shitton of homework to get started on. His shifting to sit up in bed seems to wake up Eren who opens his eyes wide, breath heavy before he realizes where he is and calms down. Jean frowns a little, not liking that he doesn’t know what’s actually happening to Eren. He lays back down next to him, practically hovering over him as he combs through his hair and kisses his forehead.

“Eren?”

“G’morning.” Eren manages with a soft smile as Jean touches his hair lightly. But Jean can’t find it in himself to smile back.

“What is it?” Eren cocks an eyebrow at him.

“What’s what?”

“You know what I’m talking about. I wanna know. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to but I wanna know, Eren.” Eren feigns innocence.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kirschtein.” He says as he sits up in bed; Jean follows.

“I… I was outside of your room yesterday, Eren. Before we went out in the morning. I saw what Armin gave you.”

“Advil.” Eren says, a little too quickly for Jean’s tastes. Jean pouts and sits in Eren’s lap, arms going around his neck as he speaks.

“Thursday night, you told me you’d explain to me that complicated thing. Are they related?” Eren sighs.

“Fuck you and your smartness, remembering everything,” He teases and it nudges a small smile out of Jean. “They’re kinda related but…”

“But?”

“I just like what we have. I don’t wanna fuck this up. But it’s gonna have to happen, right?”

“Eren, you’re not gonna fuck anything up. I have my issues too, as we said last night. There’s no way I could judge you,” Eren sighs holding Jean close. “E-Eren… You really don’t have to. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t press you. I’m just worried. I mean, I know that doesn’t give me the right to-” Eren kisses him softly.

“Shh. It’s fine. I wanna tell you. I’m gonna have to sooner or later. Pick your first poison, the pill or Armin.”

“The pill.” Jean says after a moment of thought, choosing to go in the order he brought up the topics. Eren takes his time before answering, looking at Jean and taking deep breaths, tugging on his lip piercings in a nervous way; Jean’s just about to call it off when Eren starts speaking.

“D-Do you… Remember when we first started talking? And I told you about how hyper I was as a kid?” Jean nods. “Mom was worried, so she took me to a doctor, just months before she got sick. They ran some tests on me, and soon after… they told me that I have ADHD.” His voice gets softer as he finishes his sentence and waits for Jean’s response, unable to look him in the eye. Jean takes his face in his hands, forcing Eren to look up at him.

“Okay. That’s it?” Eren lets out a little breath, relieved that Jean didn’t react harshly. Jean wouldn’t have reacted harshly at all. Because it suddenly made sense to him. As to why Eren was so good at calming him down and making him feel safe. Because broken people understand other broken people.

“I don’t tell many people really. This is why I have nightmares and I act weirdly sometimes. It’s why I hide from you like that and why I was so weird when we went out to breakfast that morning. I need that pill to live, basically. I hate being on medication, being forced to take it all the time, and if I forget I’m not in control of my emotions and feelings. I told you I’ve gotten better at managing my anger but I lied. I didn’t do anything, the pill did. The only reason I can function is because of that stupid fucking pill. I didn’t ask to be like this, I didn’t fucking want this,” Eren’s practically heaving now, growing angry but Jean stays close to him, rubbing his hands along his arms. “It’s not fair and it makes it worse to think that you might have to start taking meds too. I don’t want you to go through this.”

“Eren,” Jean makes Eren looks at him again. “You told me last night, that I was perfect with all my imperfections. You know I think the same about you, right? I don’t mind. I don’t mind that you’re like this. It’s not your fault. It’s not something either of us can change. You’re just a little different is all. And if I have to start being dependent of medication, then so be it. I’d rather have a little help than go through life without being in control of my emotions. It might not be the same for me as for you. I can’t exactly relate to you. But… I guess what I’m trying to say is that, bottom line, this fact doesn’t change what I think about you. You’re still the same Eren,” He finishes, pressing his forehead against Eren’s. None of them say anything for a little while. “I’m sorry I’m so shit at advice.” Jean offers and Eren chuckles softly.

“You’re not, it’s fine. Thank you.” He kisses him softly, holding him close. “I see what you’re saying. And I’m glad you’re accepting of it. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to move on. You wanna hear the other story?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Ah, somehow I’m more nervous about this one, if that’s possible,” Eren says and Jean grips his shoulders reassuringly. “So, you-ah, you know that Armin and I have been best friends all our lives, right?” Jean nods. “So he was one of the first people to hear about my problem. We’ve always been really close and he helped me… figure out a bit more of who I am. And who he is too,” He chances a look up at Jean who still doesn’t seem to have caught on. “Armin and I… we-uh, we dated. For a few years. Back in high school.” He waits for a reaction from Jean.

“What-uh, what happened?” Is all Jean’s able to ask.

“We broke up after graduation. I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to go away to college so we parted ways. When I was able to come to Trost, I wasn’t even doing it for Armin anymore. Over those two years we didn’t see each other, we kinda fell apart. We’re still best friends of course but… I didn’t see him in the same way. We just didn’t love each other in the same way. But it’s still kinda weird because he still takes care of me and looks out for me. We still tell each other we love each other but we can’t kiss again after it the way we used to. It’s just not the same.” He feels like a great weight has been lifted off of his chest, finally being able to tell someone this, and leans back, looking up at Jean. He suddenly feels the weight back when Jean shies away from him.

“So… I’m just your rebound, right?” 

“What?” It was the last thing he expected and he feels dread fill him to the very core; no, no, no, no this was not what he wanted. Jean pulls off of him, grabbing his underwear that’s been strewed across the floor and pulling it on as he speaks,

“I’m just the fucking rebound. You don’t give two shits about me, you’re just trying to get over Armin!” Eren gets up now, picking up his own boxers and doing the same. 

“Jean, baby, no. I swear, that’s the last thing I was thinking about. I don’t feel that way about Armin anymore.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I helped you get your mind off of him. I can’t believe you Eren. I can’t believe I trusted you for a minute. I should’ve known better. I should’ve turned away when I had the chance, right when I found out about you and your past, about all the boys you just fucked and left. And I’m just another one aren’t I? Should've never stopped for you in that library. Just fuck you, Eren Jäger. Fuck you and your entire life.” He finished his tirade, grabbing his towel, wanting to storm off.

“Jean, I swear it’s nothing like that-”

“I don’t give a single fuck, Jäger. Just get the fuck out of my dorm by the time I come back. Go back to your fucking boyfriend.” Jean practically shouts as he leaves with all his things for the shower, slamming the door behind him. 

He’s inches away from sobbing, crying angry, frustrated tears on his way to the showers. He feels so used and hurt and betrayed. He knew he should’ve never for a second trusted Eren, regardless of how charming he made himself out to be. Jean should’ve known better, should’ve never thought he could be different from all the other boys Eren’s taken to bed.

Meanwhile, Eren’s just standing in confusion in Jean’s room, wondering how the hell he fucked up so badly. He really didn’t think his story would lead to this. A few hours ago he was the happiest he’s been in a really long time. Now? He feels crushed and broken, all because of a misunderstanding, which is always the worst way to feel. He respects Jean’s wishes nonetheless, taking his things from Jean’s room and leaving for his own, thinking he just has to give Jean some time to calm down a bit before talking to him again. 

Oh, how wrong he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm... so... you're welcome and also I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Okay, about that information. Well, guess what? I move into college next weekend! Since it's so close to Friday and I'll be busy for like the next two weeks, I may not be able to update the story as I normally do. Please check [here](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com/tagged/my+writing) for any updates on the story. Hopefully I'll be able to post as normal, but just wanted to give a heads-up.
> 
> Also, for those of you worried about the angst, don't be. This story ends happy, I promise.
> 
> Talk to me on Tumblr at [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you soon! ♥


	13. Don't You Call My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, a little late but it's still Friday (at least on the east coast).
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Sorry for the angst but here's some more angst :D
> 
> Chapter title is from "Dancing with a Wolf". 
> 
> Enjoy ♥︎

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks of schoolwork, pain, agony, and burnt-out patience and Eren still hasn’t gotten a single text back from Jean. He’s probably sent twenty. A day. But Jean’s really good at ignoring him. Pretending he isn’t around for those weekly sessions of Professor Smith’s recap lessons as told by Armin. Pretending he doesn’t exist when Eren finds him after classes and offers to talk it over. Pretending he doesn’t hear the knocks on the door when Eren’s trying to invite him to dinner at the dining hall so they could fix this misunderstanding. It’s two weeks after that disastrous Sunday, thirteen days actually, on a Saturday evening and Eren isn’t standing for another fucking second of this shit.

“Armin!” He practically growls at his roommate and best friend, walking back into his room, after his failed attempt to get Jean to open the door for him left him angry.

“Stop yelling,” Armin says, hunched over his laptop as always. “What?”

“What the fuck is the passcode to his room?” He says it more as a statement than a question, showing that he refuses to receive anything but the information he’s asked for.

“No.” Armin says simply, in that calm voice he uses when he gets into disputes with Eren.

“Armin, you don’t fucking understand. The fucking prick won’t open his door and it’s all a misunderstanding.”

“Maybe,” Armin says in a passive-aggressive voice, turning away from his laptop as he does so. “Just maybe, I’d be able to help if you’d tell me what the problem is.”

“I just need to fucking talk to him.”

“I’m not opening that door until you tell me what’s wrong. The best idea might not be talking to him right now.”

“I hate your fucking new-age hippie shit and being all calm! Get fucking mad at me, yell at me! Stop making me feel like I’m being a kid!”

“I’m not going to yell at you, Eren. I know you still remember what happened last time we raised our voices at each other.” They’re both reminded of that time when they were sixteen and they started fighting over Eren’s behavior and tempermental issues. 

_Armin was trying to convince Eren to take his medication, Eren yelling off the top of his head that he didn’t like to, that he could get along just fine without them._

_“Eren, look at yourself, you’re standing on the fucking couch yelling at me!” Armin yelled at his then boyfriend, finally losing his temper._

_“Because you like to act like you’re tough shit, like you’re better and bigger than me, so I have to remind you that we’re equals.”_

_“Quit your emo poetry for a fucking second. This is serious. You’re proving my point right now by yelling at me like this and acting like a fucking animal!”_

_“I don’t want to have to take them! I shouldn’t need them!”_

_“But you fucking do and that’s life so fucking deal with it!” Eren’s hopped down from the couch now, getting closer to Armin and shouting in his face._

_“How the fuck are you gonna force me? You can’t force me to do shit!”_

_“You know, you act like you’re so tough and everything but you’re gonna fall eventually, Eren. You can’t stay like this forever. You’re gonna regret it. You’re gonna owe it all to me when you fall! Gonna tell me that I was right! You know I’m right! You wouldn’t even be able to get along without me! You’re a kid, an immature fucking kid!” The second the words left Armin’s mouth he knew he should’ve never said it, should’ve never lost his temper at his mentally ill friend like that. He knew he couldn’t get mad or he’d start saying things he didn’t mean. And Eren surely taught him how too. With a mean left hook, right to his temple, practically knocking Armin to the floor._

_It felt numb to Armin for the first three seconds, and then. It was throbbing pain, he was afraid he’d broken a bone from how hard the punch was. He knew he’d bruise there, probably already had the spot purple and slightly yellow from the pain. It hurt so much he couldn’t even register the tears leaving his eyes._

_“Fuck,” Eren heaves softly, running off to get an ice pack. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck...” He continues to say as he presses the ice pack to Armin’s face. “I’m so fucking sorry, Armin. That was way out of line. I’m so sorry…” And Eren trails off, crying for maybe only the second time that Armin’s seen in his lifetime. Armin’s still crying too, wiping away the tears that only make the pain greater as they start giving him a headache._

_Eventually, Eren realized why he had to start taking his meds again, and the two made up as best friends. But Armin surely learned to never let his temper get the better of him._

“I said I was sorry for that.” Eren says, a little more calmly, obviously still feeling guilty.

“I know, I’m just saying, I can’t let it happen again. Something worse could happen,” Armin’s voice is still level; he’s become an expert at keeping his calm, especially after all the arguments he’s had with an angry Eren after then. Eren takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down as both his therapist and Armin have told him to do countless times when he’s angry. “Just tell me what happened, Eren. It’s been weeks.”

“He thinks he’s just my rebound.” Armin cocks an eyebrow.

“Rebound from who?”

“You.”

“Oh. So you told him?”

“Yeah, and look where that got me.” Eren scoffs. 

“Maybe he just needs more time.” Armin offers.

“Arm, I can’t wait any longer, I’m gonna explode. I’ve never cared before, you know that. With you it was different, I always knew you were gonna come back. With everyone else, I never cared. With him… I don’t know, I don’t like not knowing what’s gonna happen. Armin, I really can’t do this anymore. I don’t even know what the problem is. I fucked up. We both fucked up. I just wanna fix it.” 

He’s practically sobbing into Armin’s lap, having fallen to the floor in a frenzy of emotions and Armin won’t stand for this anymore. He’s had to deal with Eren’s sadness for the past two weeks and he can’t do it anymore. Eren’s still his best friend and he still cares for him like nothing else. He can’t stand to see him like this for a second longer. He softly pushes Eren out of his lap, running across the hall to bang on Jean’s door.

“Open the fuck up, Kirschtein!” He yells and hopes that the expletive will show Jean he demands business. “I will open this door if you don’t answer, Jean. I’m not kidding!” He gives Jean a total of five seconds in his head before opening the door for himself. His anger dissipates, however, when he notices that there’s no one in the room.

“Give me your phone.” Eren says, having appeared right behind Armin. Armin does as he’s told and Eren immediately finds Jean in his contacts. The phone rings about three times before Jean picks up.

“Yeah?” He answers.

“Where the fuck are you?” Eren asks, completely fed up with his behavior; if Eren was acting like a kid, what the hell was Jean then?

“No, you know what, you little cunt? I pick up the phone and that’s the first thing you answer to me? I’m sick of your fucking behavior. Maybe it wasn’t explicit enough but when I told you to get the fuck out of my room, I meant leave me the fuck alone and don’t ever bother me again. Maybe you’ll get it now, okay? Don’t ever fucking talk to me again.”

“Jean, you’re not understanding! You’re acting childish, let me explain myself.”

“I don’t need to hear more bullshit spewing from your mouth.”

“Jean-” He’s cut off when he hears the line click shut and Armin’s heard it too, eyes going wide because the one thing that really pushes Eren’s buttons when he’s angry is being cut off when he’s speaking, especially on the phone.

“Eren, Eren, calm down.” Is the first thing Armin says because Eren looks like he’s stuck between punching the wall and throwing Armin’s phone against the wall. He hands Armin back his phone and squares up to punch the wall before Armin grabs him, pulling him back with all his force because neither of them would be able to explain or pay for the hole in the wall Eren was about to create. Eren pulls back, running a hand through his hair and breathing heavily.

“Where the fuck could he be?” He asks Armin.

“Well, did he sound like he was outside or inside?”

“Inside.”

“There’s only one other place he’d be this late on a Saturday.” Armin says and Eren stares at him, confused for a while before it clicks in his head. 

“No. Fuck no.” He says and dashes off. 

~~~~~

He bangs on the door with a force only inches away from breaking it. A small, fair-skinned boy with a head that could be called bald, were it not for the centimeter of hair on it, answers the door.

“Hey, it's Jä-” He starts in a happy voice and Eren all but pushes him aside to get in. He thinks the kid’s name is Connor or something, he doesn’t give a shit, just goes to the room that’s Marco’s and thrusts it open. And of course.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jean asks, actually somewhat surprised. Eren’s just glad no one’s naked or even seemingly in the process. Marco’s huddled up to the pillows of his mattress, inching away from Jean who’s sitting at the other end, cradling a cup of warm tea in his hands and burying his face in it, trying to avoid the obvious confrontation about to happen. “Did you track me or some shit? That’s literally so fucking creepy.”

“I didn’t track you, calm the fuck down. It isn’t that hard to figure out where you’d be.”

“Okay, nice, thanks for the footnote. You can kindly leave now.” 

“No, I’m not leaving until you and I talk this out.”

“There’s nothing to fucking talk about.” 

“If there wasn’t then you wouldn’t be ignoring me. Come on, I’m not leaving. You’ve ignored me for the past two fucking weeks, there’s no way I’m leaving now that you’re finally talking back to me.”

“Fine, fine!” Jean says standing up. “Tell me. Shower me with your fucking wisdom. I just wanna be done with this.” He says and things are silent for a while as Eren thinks of how to phrase his words; in all honesty, he didn’t think he’d get this far.

“I don’t like Armin,” He says calmly. “You can ask him. Ever since I got here, I haven’t tried to make a single advance on him. Not once. I don’t care about dating him again.”

“You dated Armin?” Marco asks from his far-off corner, stuck in dazed amazement.

“Marco!” They both yell at him, and he shuts up, sipping his tea again as Eren continues speaking. 

“I don’t like Armin anymore. What happened between us is in the past. We wouldn’t be able to work out. Not now, not anymore.”

“Why?” Jean finds himself asking.

“Because of you. Tell me, Jean, why do you think I confessed to you so quickly? Why do you think I was so honest around you? I wanted you to reject me, Jean. I never felt this way about anyone. I couldn’t handle it. Even with Armin, when we dated it was like we were best friends just with another title. I never found myself wanting to do anything for Armin. I wanted to do everything for you. And it scared me. Because I’ve never thought about anyone else like this. So I told you. Because I wanted to scare you. Wanted you to push me away. So I could stop thinking about you. And then you didn’t. And I started falling harder for you. And I realized how much it hurt now, now that I didn’t have you for a while. When I knew you were mad at me. And Jean I can’t live like this, I really can’t. I need you back, I don’t care if you won’t ever kiss me again, won’t ever let me sleep over again. I just want you to not hate me. Please. I promise, I like you, and only you. I just want you.” Things were silent, painfully so as Eren waited for a response, any type of response from Jean. Even if he yelled at him. He’d know, at least he’d have his answer.

“You’re an idiot,” Is all Jean says and Eren doesn’t know how to respond, just feels his heart sink as he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. It’s the end he supposes. “You’re such a fucking idiot,” Jean says, and all within the span of two seconds, Jean’s hand is cupping his cheek and his lips are on Eren’s. Eren could scream, cry, and laugh at how amazing the feeling of Jean’s lips on his are again. “You’re an idiot,” Jean repeats against his lips. “I can’t do it. I can’t say no to you. I wanna be mad at you but… god, fuck,” He says, kissing Eren again. “You looked like you were about to cry. You sounded like you were being honest-”

“I was, I completely totally was, baby, please, believe me.”

“Eren.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t make me regret saying this… but I do; I believe you.” And Eren actually does cry this time, pressing his forehead against Jean’s in a shaky exhale as he’s able to finally breathe again, feel the weight of Jean in his arms again instead of that nagging guilt. Jean wipes away his tears with his thumbs, moving in to kiss him again. 

“Thank you.” Eren finally says, breathing deeply again as he stops the few tears threatening to spill over, choosing to kiss Jean repeatedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!!! Happy endings all around!
> 
> Update info: I'm not sure what next Friday holds. College/University is a very new thing for me so I'll be sure to post updates and stuff if it's gonna be late or I can't make it.
> 
> Thanks so much to all of you who have been encouraging me on this journey. I know the fic is small and doesn't have much of an audience but you guys really make me wanna keep writing so thanks a lot for that.
> 
> Please feel free to kudos, comment, and/or subscribe to the story.
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com). 
> 
> See you soon! ♥︎


	14. You Weren’t Meant to Bear That Burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I'm here, I'm updating, yay! 
> 
> Things have been very busy but I just found some free time so I thought I'd update.
> 
> All I really have to say is, enjoy. You guys have waited long enough for this smut like jfc.
> 
> Chapter title from "Cinderblock Garden"

They eventually make it out of Marco’s room, the freckled demi-god clapping at their make-up and stating how cute he finds the relationship to be. Eren also remembers to apologize to _Connie_ (yes, that’s his name) for being so aggressive when he walked in. He smiles wide and accepts the apology and Eren’s pretty sure the kid is either stoned or has just been hanging out with Marco too much. They walk hand in hand on their way back to the dorm, staying pretty close to each other due to the chilly night breeze. 

“We’re weird.” Eren comments and Jean laughs.

“Yeah, I know.”

“First fight before the relationship even starts.”

“Good. That means we can skip it.”

“Anything else we need to fight about?” He teases. Jean laughs again.

“I don’t think so. But you probably wanna know what my ‘not-so-complicated’ thing was, don’t you?” Eren thinks back. 

“Oh, yeah. Don’t tell me you dated Armin too.” He says.

“No, no, not at all. He’s just one of my first friends here and we’re really close so he knows sometimes I get overly stressed and I don’t eat or talk to anyone. It’s more for my safety that he has the key to my room. He just wants to make sure I’m not having a breakdown alone in my room.”

“Ah, I see.” By this time they’ve made it back to their dorms and find one very tired Armin Arlert sitting in the narrow hallway, between their doors, typing away on his laptop.

“Oh thank god!” He says when he sees them. “I’m glad to see you both in one piece and not yelling at each other.”

“Me too.” Eren says with a soft smile towards Jean who rolls his eyes but smiles back. 

“I can go to bed safely now.” Armin says and bids adieu before retreating into his dorm. 

“You’ll stay, right?” Jean asks, opening the door to his room. 

“Of course,” Eren responds and walks inside. Even though it’d only been two weeks since he hadn’t seen Jean, he finds that he missed the room, missed the smell of Jean everywhere in the air, missed walking over to that lamp and turning it on before sitting on the bed with the lilac sheets. Jean’s quick to follow and sit in Eren’s lap, going straight away to kiss him. “I missed you,” Eren says against his lips. “These days we didn’t see each other. You have no idea.” Jean grabs one of his hands in his own.

“I missed you too. Spent all this time trying to convince myself I didn’t miss you next to me.”

“Did it work?”

“Almost did. Was just angry to try and cover it up. I’m still afraid of being desperate. Afraid that I’ve just said yes and accepted you again because I need to feel loved.” Eren shakes his head, kissing him deeply.

“Give me time. I’ll show you. I know it’s hard to believe right now. But I will. I’m not gonna leave you, Jean. I want this to last as long as it can.”

“Then we’ll try.”

“Yeah,” He says, receiving another soft kiss. “We’ll try.” They keep kissing for a while, just holding each other close, light caresses through hair and down backs. It’s relaxing, urgent but not rushed, soft yet passionate. It thrills them both.

“Hey, Eren,” Jean says softly after a while. “That tongue piercing healed yet?” Eren smirks.

“Yeah.” He sticks his tongue out and Jean both blushes and punches him in the shoulder: the ball of the barbell is a soft lilac color.

“You loser. Confident you were gonna get me back, weren’t you?” Eren takes his tongue back, smiling softly but seriously.

“No, actually. I just got it because it reminded me of you. Because you got it with me. And if anything, it might’ve been the last thing I got that we shared.”

“Oh, Eren.” It’s all Jean can say, feeling his heart heavy with emotion and he quickly presses his lips against Eren’s again.

He’s finally able to lick along his bottom lip, asking for permission into Eren’s mouth and Eren, of course, lets him in. They both moan at the feeling of tongues against each other once more. It hadn’t been that long but suddenly they feel as if they’ve been waiting eons to do this again. It starts slow, their tongues touching and hands trailing over clothes slowly, passionately, and softly. Before they know it, Eren’s flipped them both, towering over Jean while the latter trails his hands along Eren’s bare back, shirts having been discarded a few minutes before. Eren starts trailing his kisses down to Jean’s neck now, pulling soft, mewling little moans out of his mouth, the sound like smooth honey to Eren’s ears; he’d missed that, missed dragging these sounds out of Jean, knowing that Jean felt pleasure because of him. 

He continued to trail his kisses down Jean’s body, pausing to drag his tongue piercing over one of his nipples. Jean squirmed underneath him, biting on the back of his hand to keep from being too loud. Eren reveled in it, using his thumb and index finger to tease with the other one, making Jean arch his back and pant softly. Eren smiles against his skin, looking up at Jean with that smirk, forcing Jean to blush even deeper, the pink color trailing down to his collarbones, which, Eren decides, should also be paid attention to. He keeps one hand working on a nipple, the other positioning him as he starts to suck on the prominent end of one of Jean’s collarbones. It seems to be another erogenous spot, along with his nipples, and that one section of his neck that makes him yell just perfectly when you lick across it. Eren can’t help himself, moving to tease that part of his neck as well, leaving the one collarbone slightly red at the edge; it drives Jean crazy that Eren’s so sudden and quick with his movements, never allowing Jean to get used to anything. He grabs his face, kissing Eren deep and long, trailing his fingers across his back again before hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his shorts and pulling them down. Eren helps him chuck them off before moving to help Jean who blushes the whole time as he watches Eren kneel back and pull off his jeans. They’re back to kissing and Jean can’t help himself as he trails his hands down to his ass, gripping softly and eventually getting his hands underneath his boxers. Eren groans softly moving to rut against Jean, pulling little moans out of both of them. 

Of course, Eren is the one to pull away and keep the whole thing moving, trailing kisses along Jean’s skin, nearly every inch. It’s a bit uncharacteristic for him considering he’s always one to rush into everything but it makes Jean feel all the more loved to know Eren wants to take his time with him. He gets to around his hipbones before Jean starts squirming again, and Eren knows he’s found another sensitive spot. He tongues along the lines and Jean starts panting and making those cute noises again, trying desperately to keep quiet and still. Eren simply can’t wait any longer before mouthing at Jean’s blatant erection through the cotton cloth of his briefs. Jean nearly squeaks and it kills Eren a little because seriously, who squeaks? He smiles, however, finding it endearing as he kisses wetly against the fabric, his piercing seeking out the slit of Jean’s erection and pressing into it through the cloth. Jean moans lowly, nearly a growl and Eren finds himself rutting against the mattress, wondering how in the hell Jean can do a complete 180 from cute to filthily sexy. It urges Eren on, as he hooks his fingers in Jean’s boxers, looking up at him to silently ask if it’s okay to remove them; Jean nods and Eren has his cock in his mouth before the boxers can even hit the floor. Jean grips his hair, all deep groans and grunts now and Eren has to bring a hand to touch himself, amazed that he’s been able to bring Jean out of his shy little persona. 

“Oh, fuck, Eren…” Jean’s voice is low as he watches Eren take all of him to the hilt with little preparation. 

It tickles his throat a bit but Eren forces it down, actually enjoying the heaviness of Jean in his mouth. He traces his tongue around Jean, making sure he can feel the small bit of smooth metal, especially when he pulls off a bit and presses it against his slit, making Jean moan better than anything he’s ever heard. 

“E-Eren,” Jean warns, tugging his hair to pull him off. Eren listens, moving up to kiss Jean again while discarding his own boxers. Eren can’t help but keep touching all along his body, moving a hand to his nipples again but this time Jean shies away, pushing Eren back a little. “Eren, w-wait, stop.” Eren pulls back, putting a little more distance between the two as he looks at Jean, narrow, amber eyes refusing to meet his. 

“What is it?” Eren asks. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s not you, I just…” He stays quiet and Eren’s pretty sure he knows what’s wrong.

“You don’t want to anymore? It’s fine-”

“No, that’s not it. It’s…” He trails off again.

“Long time?” Jean nods, blushing as he looks away, and Eren finds it so cute with his short hair a mess against the pillow and the red warming his cheeks. But he fights the urge to kiss him, knowing this is serious. “But you still want to?” 

“Y-Yeah, please. Just… go slow. It’s been a while since the last time.” 

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of you.” Eren says as he kisses him hard but slow, Jean reveling in how he can feel the metal against his own lips, choosing to bite it and hear the clank against his teeth. 

He pulls out the bottle of lube from the drawer as they kiss before pressing it against Eren’s hand. Before Eren opens it, he goes to remove Jean’s glasses from his face but the blond protests.

“Leave them on. I wanna see you.” He says and Eren smiles softly, kissing him.

He pours some of the lube on his hand and realizes it’s the good stuff, a different bottle from last time, that self-warming shit that’s gonna have Jean melting as he begs for more. Eren smirks to himself at the thought and slowly works his middle finger into Jean, keeping it still as he watches what he’s doing. When he looks back up, Jean is grabbing the sheets, looking for purchase on them as he bites his lip. Eren grabs one of his hands, trailing it to his hair to allow him to pull on it. He starts to do so as Eren inserts the second finger and starts scissoring them apart, reading to turn Jean into a fucking mess.

“Use this stuff on yourself often?” He says referring to the lube as he kisses Jean.

“Y-Yeah. Feels nice on your hand?” Eren nods and Jean smirks. “It’ll feel even better on your dick.” Eren chuckles as he kisses him again, curling his fingers now and Jean moans against his lips.

“When did you turn into a little sex demon?”

“Ever since I realized I want you to break me with your fucking cock.”

“Goddamn,” Eren groans as he adds a third finger, curling them all as he starts biting at Jean’s lips. He’s glad he went slow now, realizing how Jean likes a slow buildup, makes him crazy to wanna get fucked. “Baby, are you ready because I’m getting impatient as fuck.” Jean giggles softly, kissing him again as Eren pulls his fingers out, making him mewl slightly.

“Hold on.” He says as he flips them both.

With Jean on top now, he kisses both sides of Eren’s neck, both ends of his collarbones, both nipples and leaves trails down to his hips. He presses a kiss to each hipbone before licking a filthy, slow stripe along Eren’s cock, causing it to leak a little.

“Fuck baby, stop teasing and let me fuck you.” Jean smiles as he moves up to kiss Eren again. Eren’s about to flip them again when Jean sits on his stomach.

“Let me.” He says and grabs the lube, spreading it on Eren’s dick before tossing it somewhere before pulling out a condom and rolling it over Eren’s dick. Eren all but holds his breath as Jean moves back and seats himself on his cock, going painfully slow as he balances himself with his hands against Eren’s chest and stomach, mouth open but making no noise as he adjusts himself. 

“Fuck, babe.” Eren says, gripping his hips as Jean’s ass touches his hips.

“Goddamn, I knew you were thick from having you in my mouth but fuck, this is something else,” He says as he wiggles slightly and Eren does his best to not let his eyes roll into the back of his head from how good Jean makes everything sound when he’s drunk on sex. “C’mon,” Jean says as he starts bouncing on his cock. “Fuck me, baby,” He leans down to kiss Eren who grips his ass hard and starts to fuck up into him hard and fast. It’s just the way Jean likes it too, making him moan loudly into the room, loud enough that he has to kiss Eren to muffle the shouts against his lips. “Fuck, yes, just like that. Harder, Eren, c’mon, break me…” He’s practically spewing whatever comes to mind now but it drives Eren crazy, making him moan louder against the patch of Eren’s neck that he’s currently sucking a nice purple mark into. 

“Your ass is so nice and tight, baby. So greedy for my cock.” Jean’s leaking on Eren’s stomach now as he uses his legs to bring himself down whenever Eren thrusts up. He’s pretty sure he looks like quite the picture with a leaking cock smacking against both their stomachs and another one happily pounding into his behind. 

“Mm, yes, Eren. Want your cock, fuck me faster, oh! Faster, Eren, please! Touch me, touch me!” He nearly yells and Eren knows he’s close, using a hand to bring Jean’s lips back to his own, licking against each other’s tongues while the other hand grips his erection, pumping smoothly and quickly. 

“Gonna cum baby? Gonna cum all over me?” Eren taunts and Jean nods against his lips, desperately and wetly kissing him, as he pants and moans, high-pitched noises leaving him now as he starts stuttering his hips, reaching release soon. He’s just about to let go when Eren grips him tightly enough to stop him. “What if I didn’t let you?” Eren asks, slowing his hips to a stop. 

“Eren!” Jean whines frustratedly and tries to start moving his hips again but Eren tugs hard on his hair, warning him not to move, regardless that the whole ordeal has Jean’s insides bursting with filthy pleasure. 

“You wanna cum?” Eren asks and Jean nods, feeling absolutely filthy at the realization that he’s blushing while he’s having his ass opened with Eren’s cock, and his own dick held by the brunet’s hand. He’s probably also got a fair amount of precum sprinkled over his body. He imagines how slutty he must look: the poster boy for the next twink film. “Beg me for it, then.” Eren finishes as he starts pounding into Jean again who practically screams as he feels his prostate being abused.

“P-Please, Eren! Let me cum, let me cum all over you, please!”

“Not good enough.” Eren says against his panting lips and Jean must feel how Eren’s hips have stopped moving as much.

“ _Eren!_ ” And now he’s begging. “F-faster, please, I’m so close. Fuck me harder, Eren, please let me cum, I’ve been such a good boy for you, please, Eren.” He looks close to tears so Eren kisses him, loosening his grip as he starts fisting Jean’s cock. Jean’s yelling against his lips and Eren slaps his ass to quiet him, momentarily forgetting that it gets Jean off. Unsurprisingly he hits his climax, cumming all over Eren as Eren cums into the condom, feeling the tightness of Jean around him and nearly blacking out into the pain.

“T-That’s it,” Eren coaxes as Jean’s still cumming. “Just imagine I’m releasing into you. You’d like that right?” Jean nods as he releases a big breath, spurting out his last bits of cum onto Eren and his hand before pulling off and collapsing next to Eren. Eren slips off his condom, tying a knot in it and throwing it in the wastebasket. He kisses Jean, grabbing his hand to make sure he avoids getting his arm in the mess on his chest and stomach as he slips his hand behind Eren’s neck. 

“So good.” Jean murmurs against his lips and Eren smiles. 

“I’m glad. You enjoyed yourself, then?”

“Fuck yes. You know exactly what I want. You make me a mess.” Eren chuckles against his mouth, allowing Jean’s tongue to tease the piercings on his lips while his hands play with the ones on his ears and eyebrow. 

When he goes to chuckle again is that he feels the cum drying on his body and reaches over to grab a napkin. Jean feels it and curls against his body as Eren stretches. Before Eren can clean it, however, Jean runs two fingers through the mess, bringing them to his lips and Eren wonders if his dick will ever stop twitching at the sight. He watches Jean, who smiles around the fingers in his mouth as he licks them clean of the creamy substance, _his own_ , and it makes Eren shiver to think about that and how hot it is. He cleans himself up nonetheless, forcing himself to look away.

“You’re so filthy, I would’ve never guessed.” Eren says as he tosses the napkin into the wastebasket. Jean giggles.

“It’s a little embarrassing to admit. And, I mean, it’s not exactly a common conversation topic.” Eren hums in agreement and they end up kissing softly, lips barely touching as they brush against each other in a sleepy mess. 

“Thank you.” Eren ends up whispering against his lips once they’ve become too lazy to keep moving them.

“For what?” Jean mumbles, sleep already overtaking him. 

“Giving me another chance to love you.” Eren says but Jean doesn’t respond and he realizes he must’ve dozed off to sleep already. Eren smiles softly, placing a kiss on his forehead before nodding off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, for clarification: I am a very fluffy yet kinky ho. Thank you.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed, I always love posting smut for the masses.
> 
> As this story starts coming to a close, I'd like to say that I'm working on like... five other stories! So please stick around and even subscribe to me to be updated on what I post.
> 
> Also feel free to kudos, comment, and/or subscribe to the story to let me know you're enjoying it. You can also find me on tumblr as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you next week! ♥︎


	15. Cause It Feels Like Stealing Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //muffled screaming. I'm so sorry guys I almost forgot to post this. I got busy after class but yeah here it is.
> 
> Enjoy, my darlings. We're almost at the end! 
> 
> Chapter Title from "Dear Maria, Count Me In"
> 
> **EDIT: I've finally made some [art](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com/post/129115134949/a-long-overdue-piece-jean-and-eren-from-my-story) for this story! Here are Eren and Jean's character designs. ^-^

Mornings after are always kind of weird, Jean finds, but it’s a bit better to think that it’s just Eren lying asleep next to him. He smiles over at the boy he’s quickly grown to feel comfortable around, pierced face practically glowing in the sunlight and Jean feels a little guilty that he made Eren forget and keep the metal in but it’s all alright; he looks perfect with them accenting his face, along with that smudged black line along his eyelid. He finds himself staring, blushing a bit before realizing that Eren’s still sleeping. Of course, that doesn’t make it any less creepy but Jean can’t find it in himself to look away. He knows it’s only been about a month, less actually, but Eren’s come into his life like a hurricane and fucked everything up, made him rethink a lot about himself, made him change some things around, made him feel different in the best way. It’s killing him to think he does want to call Eren his boyfriend, wants to give this crazy, sporadic, spontaneous thing a chance, regardless of how bad it’ll fuck him up. 

He sighs as he pulls on his glasses, reading the time and adjusting to full eyesight again. It’s nearly ten AM and he certainly slept less than he thought he would for a Sunday. But then again, it’s Sunday. And since he couldn’t concentrate much the day before, what with Eren practically breaking down his door, he’s got that paper to finish. He gets up quietly, going to wash up and change into some sweats in order to start some work. He leaves Eren asleep, sitting at his desk to open up that World History paper and he starts to wonder if Eren’s started it too. He wonders if Eren’s any better at this class than he is. If maybe Eren likes History. And how Eren writes his papers. If he procrastinates or does things right away. 

“ _Does he even write his papers? Maybe he’s failing everything. No, that’s not possible, I saw his high grades from our last quiz. He’s actually pretty smart. Wait. How did I get here. Fuck, I have a paper to write._ ” Jean curses himself as he forces himself to get back on track.

Eren’s not even awake and he’s still distracting Jean. He figures it must be the whole relationship thing. More so, not knowing if they’re actually in one yet. Well, they’re not but Jean wants to be. 

“ _Paper!_ ” He yells at himself to concentrate, forcing all thoughts of Eren to the back of his mind. 

He spends the next forty-five minutes writing, and he’s just on his last sentence, wrapping everything up when he hears Eren stirring behind him. He watches as the brunet sits up slowly, immediately sucking his teeth as he remembers he left his piercings in. It doesn’t bother him too much, though, from what Jean can tell. He watches as he stretches, yawning away the last bit of sleep and smiling over at Jean with a crooked smirk that makes the blond’s stomach flip a bit.

“Morning.” Eren says, voice rough and rugged and it’s one of Jean’s favorite sounds. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” He teases and Eren playfully scowls at him, knowing his hair must be in a million different directions and one side of it is probably flattened from sleeping on it. He quickly runs his hands through it, ruffling it up to try and make it better. It works, Jean assumes, even though his hair is always messy.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Eren says standing up and walking over to Jean, apparently uncaring that he’s completely naked as he stands behind Jean’s chair.

“There was no need. I had some work to do and you were sleeping peacefully. I didn’t wanna bother you.”

“Aww, how cute,” Eren teases and Jean rolls his eyes before leaning his head back to catch a kiss Eren was moving forward to plant on his lips. Jean crinkles his nose, however, at the slight morning breath. “Hey, at least it’s not cum breath.” Eren says and Jean knows that’s a stab at him.

“Oh, fuck off. I brushed my teeth this morning.” Eren laughs.

“I know, babe. I’m just teasing,” He runs his hands along Jean’s bare stomach. “Thanks for the view.” He says and Jean rolls his eyes; this cocky motherfucker.

“It wasn’t for you. I’m always like this when I’m alone.”

“Yeah, alright, you keep telling yourself that,” He teases and kisses Jean’s cheek. “I’ll be back.” He says as he grabs his things and goes to shower. Jean’s just crossing things off his ‘Homework To-Do List’ and scrolling the internet when Eren comes back. 

“Did you take your pill?” He doesn’t know why it’s the first thing he asks and he feels a cold shock at the realization that maybe he shouldn’t have asked but Eren just cocks an eyebrow for a second.

“Right, right,” He says remembering. “The Intuniv. Yeah, thanks for reminding me,” He smiles. “Usually Armin does and I forget I told you. But yeah, thanks. I’ll go take it now.” Jean smiles softly once he’s gone, glad he’s been able to help Eren in something. When he returns, Jean decides to continue the pattern of asking some random question.

“Did you write your paper for Smith’s class?”

“Yes, _mom_ ,” He rolls his eyes playfully and goes to stand behind Jean again, placing his arms on either shoulder of the seated boy. “I actually finished it a while ago.”

“And you call me the smart one. Just finished mine this morning.”

“You are smart. I just don’t like waiting until later because then I forget or get lazy,” Jean nods in agreement. “Hey.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I kiss you now?” Jean smiles wide, leaning his head back and awaiting his kiss which arrives promptly and with an enchanting eagerness. 

They move slowly, their kisses laced with a soft, domestic tranquility. It thrills them both, makes Jean’s heart flutter and Eren’s insides melt. Eren grabs his lover’s face in his hands, and Jean mimics the action as they pull each other closer. There’s a hint of sensual passion and promiscuity hiding beneath the surface but it only adds to the thrill of the innocent kiss. Jean can’t help but smile against the other’s lips as he thinks of this all, as he thinks of the boy he’s currently kissing, can feel the curved rings against his own lips, fingertips teasing the piercings in his ears, can smell the light mist of strawberry that seems to belong to Eren’s hair, can hear the soft smacking of their lips that serves to comfort him, to remind him that he’s actually here with this moment happening in the history of time, regardless of how insignificant it may be when compared to the universe as a whole. It warms his heart, makes him feel elated in the best of ways to know he’s kissing the one boy he’s felt this much for. He doesn’t know how or why, can’t explain it for the life of him but when he’s stuck in this moment, where nothing else seems to matter, where nothing can bother them, he doesn’t need to explain it; it explains itself. 

“Jean?” Eren murmurs against Jean’s lips.

“Yeah?” Jean says a little dazed, eyes opening to find both of their faces surrounded by the chocolate locks of Eren’s hair as he looks into those deep, sea green eyes he’s decided he will certainly never tire of. 

“Please,” Eren pleads, finding Jean’s hands and placing his own over them, intertwining their fingers. “Please tell me you’ll be mine.” He says it so broken, almost lost yet full of so much hope and longing that even if Jean hadn’t already made up his mind, he might’ve still said yes. 

“I am. I already am yours. Have been since you came into my life and ruined everything.” He says, kissing him again and Eren smiles hard against his lips, unable to even move them. 

“But you still love me, no?”

“I guess I don’t mind having you around.” Jean teases with another kiss as Eren giggles against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!
> 
> So it looks like that was the end, right? Nope!
> 
> Technically this was supposed to be the end. But as I finished up the story, I realized there were some things I wanted to include that I didn't get to. So the next/last chapter will be an epilogue. 
> 
> I can't believe the end is almost here! Do you guys believe it?! I don't! Oh, gosh, I need to run and go write out all my thanks! //dashes off. 
> 
> Oh, feel free to kudos, comment, and/or subscribe to the story to let me know you enjoyed it. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you next week! ♥︎


	16. Kiss the Pain Away (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD ITS HERE!
> 
> Finally, the long awaited for chapter/ending. Oh dear gods, I can't believe its already here. I feel like i just started writing this yesterday...
> 
> Lmao jk this thing took so many fucking ages to write.
> 
> But anyways, oh dear, enjoy! ♥︎
> 
> Chapter title is from "Backseat Serenade"
> 
> **EDIT: If you didn't catch it last week during that edit, here's some character design art I made for [Eren and Jean.](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com/post/129115134949/a-long-overdue-piece-jean-and-eren-from-my-story)
> 
>  
> 
> **Please stick around and read the end notes! Very important information in the end.**

It’s around the end of the spring semester that Jean realizes he’s nearly literally been drowning in his schoolwork. Papers are piling on his desk in haphazard stacks, threatening to fall over and maybe slice his neck open or some shit. He couldn’t care less, however. If anything, he’d die a sweet, quick death before having to take his World History final. He’s so close to Senior year, so close to the end but he really hates himself for having waited so long to take this damn prerequisite. He should’ve taken it Freshman year, gotten it over with, but no, the Philosophy of Queer Art was obviously more important to him. But then again, if he hadn’t taken World History his Junior year he would’ve never met Eren, would’ve never gotten to know his boyfriend of now nearly seven months, would’ve never submitted that application to off-campus housing in an apartment with the brunet, would’ve never figured out that he has social anxiety, would’ve never gotten therapy and treatment for it, would’ve never met the boy that he’s grown to practically owe his everything to. He gets distracted thinking about Eren, forgetting his studying until there’s a buzzing against his desk. It’s his phone, and even the slight vibration causes a small stack of papers to fall right off the edge of his desk.

“Fuck it.” He says aloud softly before attending to his phone. Obviously, it’s a text from Eren.

“ _hey bb sorry i wont be able to make it to study sesh today. got caught up with prof ackerman._ ” Normally, Jean would brush it off but he’s been on edge lately, too much studying and not enough Eren makes for a very stressed Kirschtein. Besides, he finds that Eren’s been hanging out way too much with this fucking Professor Ackerman. He understands that his final is an art piece for this class, one he must perfect to the last pencil stroke, but seriously, how much time can he possibly spend in his classroom? 

“ _what else is new?_ ” Jean responds, tossing his phone aside as he bangs his head against his desk. Here comes yet another day without Eren.

~~~~~

“ _wont be able to make it today either bb. ill try to drop by later ok?_ ” Jean receives the text the next day, responding with a simple “ok” because he doesn’t have the energy to get angry.

~~~~~

“ _ok sorry about last night, i was gonna drop by but i knocked out as soon as i got back to my dorm. and i have to go see ackerman again today, im almost done with the piece though! ily bb_ ” Jean doesn’t even grace this one with a response. 

~~~~~

“ _alright, i swear, today’s the last day. i’ll finish the piece today. im so sorry bb really. ily so much im so so so sorry._ ” Jean can tell he’s being sincere but he’s fucking done, he won’t stand for this bullshit anymore. He knows Eren’s in Ackerman’s room. Their World History final is tomorrow and he’s studied enough. He grabs his phone and storms out of his room, en route to the Arts building. 

He finds Eren sitting on an empty space of Ackerman’s desk on the edge, just next to Ackerman, who’s seated in a swivel chair, facing the younger boy. He’s peaking in through the little door window and it fills him with rage to see them laughing and having such a good time apparently; how the _fuck_ is this working on his art final? He’s probably also jealous. Scratch that, he is jealous. He won’t lie; Professor Ackerman is fucking drop-dead gorgeous. Short, black hair with an undercut, small, metallic gray eyes, young with some deep, detailed features that fade into softness when he smiles or laughs, which is rare and only makes Jean angrier that Ackerman seems to be so carefree and happy with Eren. He’s mad that his perfect, amazing boyfriend actually looks so good next to his young, beautiful professor, almost as if they were the ones in a relationship. He’s actually really jealous of Levi Ackerman, and he never thought he’d be jealous of a twenty-nine year old man. But as he watches them, talking with light voices and carefree smiles, he wants to burst in there and simultaneously punch Ackerman in the face while kissing his boyfriend, showing that (gorgeous) old man who’s boss. He only cracks the door open, however, not having enough actual courage to burst in there.

“No way you did!” He hears Eren say. 

“Of course I did, why would I lie, Eren?” He asks in that soft, deep voice that Jean’s found can be therapeutic when he’s sat in during Eren’s sketching classes, the voice drifting through the room, sounding harmonious with the scratching of pencils against paper.

“I don’t believe you one bit!”

“Fine,” Ackerman says, standing up and Jean grows livid as the man takes off his crewneck sweater.

“ _WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?_ ” Jean’s screaming internally as he watches this pervy-ass professor take off his button-down shirt, his back to Eren as the shirt hangs off his back, pooled around his forearms. He lets it play out, however, not wanting to rush in there and accuse his boyfriend of anything. He can see Ackerman’s front now, and when Eren reaches out to touch his bare back, Jean’s had enough. 

“WHAT. THE. FUCK. DO. YOU. THINK. YOU’RE. DOING?!” He rages, every word accompanied with a hit against any part of Eren’s body. 

“Ow, ow, ow! Jean, what the hell?” Jean was fighting back tears, he couldn’t believe he’d caught his boyfriend cheating on him.

“You fucking liar! I trusted you, you piece of shit, I should’ve known better, you fucking asshole. Working on a final, my ass! You’ve been going behind my back this whole time!”

“Jean, calm down, I’m not fucking cheating on you,” Eren says, somewhat calm regardless of his use of an expletive. “We were talking about tattoos. Look.” He says and Jean finally does look at Ackerman who just slowly turns back around, having grown completely silent during Jean’s outrage as he had watched. Jean took in the design on his back, spread across all of it. It was the same design along Eren’s lower back, the Wings of Freedom, from that video game Titan thing. That’s what they’d been talking about; that’s what Levi had been trying to prove to Eren. They’d been fucking geeking out over a video game. And Jean got jealous. He felt his face go red with anger at both himself and the situation, along with embarrassment from the moment. Levi started buttoning up his shirt again, the first to speak amongst the silence. 

“Everyone buddy-buddy again?” He asked. Eren cleared his throat.

“Uh, Levi,” Jean twitched an eyebrow still at Eren’s calling him by his first name; even though he did it in front of Jean, he never thought Eren actually called Ackerman that to his face. “This is my boyfriend, Jean.”

“Oh,” Ackerman says in response, tossing his sweater back over his head. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” He extends a hand in greeting, as if the whole been shirtless thing hadn’t just happened. Jean shakes his hand nonetheless.

“S-sorry.” He says in a soft voice, taking his hand back.

“It’s quite alright,” Ackerman responds, his face hard and serious but there’s a small, accepting smile hidden in his eyes. “I’m sorry the situation seemed so inappropriate. I assure you, I don’t normally disrobe in the classroom,” He jokes and only Eren laughs, considering Jean isn’t able to tell what an Ackerman Joke is. “It’s nice to formally meet you, though.”

“You too,” Jean says, looking down at the floor now, unable to meet Ackerman’s eyes, upset with himself as Ackerman seems to be such a nice man that just hides behind a tough exterior. “Eren also talks about you a lot.” 

“Really? What lies has the brat been spreading about me?” He teases, sending a slight glare towards Eren. Jean chuckles, half-sincerely, half-nervously.

“None, Ackerman, sir. He just spends a lot of time with you.”

“Yes, I’m aware. Brat’s never out of my damn classroom. At least he’s finally done with that project. I’m sorry it took him so long to finish, I’m sure it’s been taking a toll on the amount of time you two have been able to spend together.” Jean just nods and Eren pouts, ruffling Jean’s hair in a loving manner and pulling him closer to him. 

“You act like I’m a bother.” Eren teases in Levi’s direction.

“You are,” He jokes. “And now that you’re done with that damned final, get the hell out of my classroom. I gotta go pick up Erwin,” Jean cocks an eyebrow, wondering what the hell Professor Smith needs Levi to pick him up for. “My husband.” Levi says, addressing Jean’s glare while showing off a fancy yet simple wedding band on his right ring finger. Jean’s eyes go nearly comically wide as his mind just imagines his World History professor actually married to Eren’s art professor. 

“Bye, Levi!” Eren calls as they head out of the classroom with Jean in tow, leaving his professor to gather up the last of his things in order to leave. “Talk to you soon.”

“Bye brat. Bye brat’s boyfriend.” He says with a small smile tugging his lips. 

Their walk to the dorms is in silence as Eren takes Jean’s hand in his own, Jean still too embarrassed to even look at his boyfriend. 

“You really thought-”

“Shut up!” Jean cuts him off before Eren can even finish his sentence. He’s sure he’s burning at this rate. Eren laughs.

“Baby, you are so cute. Jealous? Of my professor? My married professor.”

“He’s attractive…” Is all Jean manages to say.

“Yeah, but you’re perfect.” He hums in a soft voice, lips edging around that sensitive area of Jean’s ear. 

“E-Eren!” He warns, still as shy as ever in public. 

“Sorry babe,” He teases, nibbling softly on his earlobe as Jean takes in a deep, shaky breath, making sure that the few people around them aren’t paying attention to them. “You’re just so fucking cute.”

“Would’ve been able to see more of me if you hadn’t been hanging around Levi so much.” He pouts, folding his arms.

“Baby, you’re still on that? It really was for my final, you know that.”

“I know, but I missed you.” He says softly as they get to the front of their dorms.

“I missed you, too,” Eren says, pressing him up against his own door, kissing him softly. “A lot.” 

“Mmm,” Jean makes a soft noise against his lips, melting against him. “Go home.” Jean says, pulling back.

“What?” Eren’s actually baffled.

“Go home,” Jean repeats, opening his door. “I’ll text you later to come over.”

“You fucking-” Jean shuts the door in his face. “I fucking hate you, Kirschtein!” He yells but Jean laughs, knowing he doesn’t mean one bit of it.

~~~~~

It’s around eight PM that Eren dashes for his phone, having heard the chime of a received text. 

“ _hope you’ve been studying for world hist final tmm_ ”

“ _i have_ ” Eren responds.

“ _good. i have a surprise for u. come over._ ”

“ _thank god_ ” Eren responds quickly, dashing over to put in Jean’s code which he’d been given just a few months before. He finds Jean kneeling on his own bed, wearing the last thing he’d expect. 

“Holy fucking-” He chokes on his words, Jean giving him a small, shy smile. 

Jean’s legs are clad in soft, lilac-colored knee highs, edges frilly and made of an intricate lace pattern, a garter belt connecting them to panties of the same color with a similar lace pattern. It’s all he’s wearing, his chest bare and on display, perfectly smooth and just as soft-looking as the underwear. Eren also catches a glimpse of a dangling piercing hanging off of his belly-button, small stone on the end also shining lilac; the first piercing that Jean had gotten, having been convinced by Eren to get one. He chose his belly button because he thought it’d be simplest to hide and would probably hurt less. It was also a plus that Eren found it completely fucking hot. 

“You always told me I looked good in this color.” 

Eren doesn’t even respond, just storms out of the room and returns in a moment’s time, sketchbook and pencil in arm and Jean blushes, both at the fact that Eren wants to draw him like this and that this is a new sketchbook, the other one having been filled up. What makes it even better is that Eren has taken a sharpie and written ‘Jean’ in big letters along the front, identifying this as his, letting Jean know that he plans on filling up all 80 pages this pad with sketches of him. Eren grabs Jean’s desk chair, sitting in it as usual and Jean knows exactly what to do.

“I wasn’t lying.” Eren says as he’s sketched out the basic figure of Jean’s kneeling body.

“Hmm?”

“About you looking good in this color. It’s downright sinful,” He says and revels in the way Jean’s cheeks blush. He adds the color in his cheeks in a soft shade of black on the paper, making sure he can capture the beauty of this moment on paper, even though it’ll never do proper justice to the real thing. After a few minutes have passed and Eren’s reached Jean’s crotch in his drawing, he notices the bulge is much bigger than when he started, the tip practically peaking out from the top of the band. “Does this turn you on, babe?” Eren teases softly as he sketches the tip of Jean’s thin yet long dick. 

“W-What? You sketching me?” Eren nods and when he looks up Jean’s looking away from him.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jean nods softly. “You little exhibitionist. You like it when I look at you like this don’t you?”

“You’re getting hard too.” Jean mutters under his breath, having given his crotch a quick glance. 

“You’re right,” Eren responds and stops sketching for a moment to pull off his jeans and shirt. “Feel a little more even now?” He asks, now that he’s just as naked as Jean. Jean’s only response is a twitch of his dick and Eren groans as he watches it move beneath the fabric. He palms himself softly, only pausing for a moment to try and alleviate some of the slight pain from being so hard. 

“Tell me you’re almost done,” Jean says. “This is torture. I need you to fuck me.” He says.

“Baby, don’t say things like that, I’m no better.” 

“Then get your fucking ass over here and pound into me.” Eren bites his lip as he finishes the last curve of the bedsheets against Jean’s left knee and tosses his sketchbook onto the messy desk, practically tackling Jean against the bed. 

Jean outright moans as Eren shoves his tongue down his throat, lips soft against his own and yeah, he’s missed this way too much. Eren catches onto this quickly, shoving his hand into Jean’s frilly underwear, fingers lightly teasing the hardened flesh. Jean grips onto him tightly, throwing his arms around his shoulders and whimpering against his mouth.

“Baby, please,” He whines and Eren’s eyes nearly roll back into his head at the sound. “I’m not gonna last if you keep going like this. Fuck me, fuck me now,” Eren still takes his time, however, kissing along his neck, chest, and stomach as he often does, unable to stop himself from worshipping Jean’s amazingly beautiful body. He mouths at the soft silk of the underwear and internally pouts, realizing that this piece of fabric must’ve been expensive and now it’s been ruined with precum and spit. He doesn’t care, though, and keeps giving Jean small laps until he’s literally crying from the sensation. “Eren! Please, please, fuck me, stop teasing me, I need you, fuck me fuck me fuck me…” Eren’s never seen him so desperate and he thrives in the moment, pulling off his own briefs and then removing Jean’s garter belt to take off his underwear. The thigh-highs stay on though; Eren loves them way too much. 

He licks a slow, long stripe along the underside of Jean’s cock, absolutely filthy as he watches it spurt some precum onto Jean’s stomach, the slightly younger boy whining some more, obviously holding off his orgasm. Eren grabs the good lube, the same kind they used the first time they did this, slicking up his fingers and easily thrusting one into Jean’s asshole. It weakly clenches around his finger and Eren groans, leaning to tug at one of Jean’s nipples with his lips.

“You dirty, little boy. You opened yourself up for me?” Ever since the first time they had penetrative sex, Eren learned that Jean really loves it when Eren borderline embarasses him, downgrading him to a ‘little boy’. 

“Y-Yes,” He responds softly. “I didn’t wanna wait. Eren, c’mon, I need it now,” He begs and Eren’s cock leaks a little at the thought of Jean fingering himself while thinking of Eren fucking him open. Eren adds a second finger regardless, and Jean whines; he did this to purposely skip this step. “C’mon you fucking prick, fuck me!” Jean all but yells but it strikes something in Eren as he flips Jean around, giving him a firm slap on the asscheek.

“That’s no way to talk to me, boy.” Eren says, grabbing a fistful of his hair and forcing him on his hands and knees. Jean leaks a little onto the bedsheets, whimpering deep in his throat. 

“I-I’m sorry.” He nearly whispers and Eren lets go of his hair, pushing him forward, almost making him lose his position on all fours.

“Stay still for me.” Jean nods and then stops halfway, outright moaning against his pillow as he feels Eren’s long, thick, pierced tongue across his asshole.

It’s so much better like this too, when he can really feel Eren’s tongue thrusting into his open, stretched entrance, truly fucking him. The taste of lube isn’t really Eren’s favorite but the sounds Jean’s making surely make up for it. His boyfriend starts to thrust back on his tongue but Eren keeps him in check with two swift smacks to his asscheeks; he revels in the way the flesh vibrates against his hand, quickly going red as Jean’s skin bruises easily, just how Eren loves it.

“I said stay still, you little whore.” 

“Ah-ahh, I’m sorry, Eren. I’ll be a good boy for you.” 

“You better be.” Eren says as he starts thrusting his tongue back into Jean’s asshole.

It goes on for a few more minutes before Eren realizes Jean’s been extremely patient. He runs his tongue piercing along the entire edge of Jean’s entrance, making him cry a little, before pulling back. 

“You ready, baby?”

“Yes, _please_!” Jean mewls, and Eren leans forward, kissing his back before slipping his hand into the drawer to grab a condom. “No,” Jean stops him. “I wanna feel you in me.”

“Fuck baby.” Eren says softly, breathlessly as he kisses Jean, slicking up his painfully hard cock. 

He slips in quickly, all in one go, thrusting Jean back onto his hips as he thrusts forward. Regardless of all the over-preparation, Jean’s still as tight as ever, making the most perfect sounds ever as Eren’s hands grip his hips tightly and make him bounce back onto his cock. One of his hands trail down to pull on his thigh-highs, snapping the band onto Jean’s milky-white thighs, the boy in turn moans a little louder, shoving his face into the pillow and biting it in order to keep from getting too loud. Eren leans over as he keeps pounding hard and fast into Jean, kissing his boyfriend with unadulterated vigor and passion. Jean practically cries against his lips and Eren can tell he’s holding out for him to cum first; it’s a good thing Eren’s close, his thrusts becoming sloppy, and Jean knows that’s a surefire sign that he’s close.

“C’mon baby,” Jean says against his lips. “Cum in me, mark your little boy.” He says all breathless and slutty and Eren loses it, kissing Jean so hard that he’s surprised his lip piercings haven’t cut through his own lips. 

He groans loudly as he cums, feeling his dick become even slicker with the feeling of his own cum lubing up the sensation and he never wants to use a condom again. The kiss softens and Eren’s right back at it, quick to want Jean to experience the same feeling of euphoria, He pulls out slowly and Jean whines, both from the sensation of loss and Eren’s cum dripping out of him. He yelps when Eren spread his ass open with one hand, the other going to stroke him and Jean literally cries, real tears leaving him once more as Eren licks up his own cum, nice as slow, dripping from Jean’s ass, the brunet’s own dick giving a twitch at the sight of Jean’s ass full of his cum and then taste. He slows down when he feels his hand practically drenched in Jean’s cum.

Jean nearly collapses onto his own mess but Eren catches him, cleaning them up with a few napkins before letting him go. He throws out the napkins and picks up and slight messes before climbing into bed again with an exhausted Jean. 

“You came a lot, baby.” Is all Eren says as Jean curls up against his chest. 

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve done it. Besides, you did too. Felt so full.” Eren smiles and wipes away the few tears on Jean’s cheeks.

“Sorry, babe. I hope I wasn’t too hard on you.” Jean kisses him. 

“Don’t you dare apologize. That was amazing. Best sex we’ve had in a while,” Eren smiles against his lips. “Besides, I should be sorry.”

“What the fuck for? You were perfect.”

“Our World History final is tomorrow.” 

“Who gives a fuck?” Eren says, continuing to press kisses against his boyfriend’s lips with every breath they pause to take. “You know I could pass that test in my sleep.” It’s true, Jean knows, Eren’s a fucking genius when it comes to history. 

“At least you learned who you really belonged to.” He says, giggling. 

“Are you seriously still jealous? Over Levi?” Jean sticks his tongue out. “You know you’re my one and only, baby. Can’t get any better than you.” He says softly, holding Jean closer to him.

“I love you.” Jean whispers against his lips sleepily and Eren’s also falling asleep until the words register. 

“What?” Jean doesn’t respond and normally he’d let it go but no, Jean’s never said that before. “Jean! Jean, wake up! What did you just say?”

“Hmm? What?”

“Say it again.”

“Say wh-” Jean suddenly realizes what he’s said and he blushes deeply. 

“Say it again!” Eren demands once more. “C’mon, baby, please. Say it again.”

“I love you.” Jean repeats softly and Eren laughs, kissing him deeply yet softly, expressing all of his happiness in that one action.

“I love you too. I love you so much. So so so much. I love you. I love you.” He can’t get enough of saying it and he keeps kissing Jean at the end of every sentence.

“I love you.” Jean repeats one last time before kissing his boyfriend softly and drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww cute love and smiles all around, right?
> 
> Ahh, well, I must give a giant fucking thanks to every single one of you. Thank you so much for supporting this small adventure in my life. Thank you for commenting and liking and all that other good stuff. No one really beta'd this but me so I'd like to thank myself as well uhu. But no seriously, thanks as well to all of my friends that read small excerpts and parts of this story to try and help me as well as they could. These friends include: my lovely co-god/spousey wousey, [LuxxyB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxxyb)/[Luke](http://luxxyb.tumblr.com) (on tumblr), bae/kohai no.1, [Aobanana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aobanana)/[Monica](http://aobanana.tumblr.com), and the most spectacular being to ever bless my life, [Becca](http://amerrickanlover.tumblr.com). I'm probably missing some people so they're included in spirit. 
> 
> Okay so now that I got that through **y'all are probably wondering what that important news shit was, right?** Well, guess what y'all? There will be a slight continuation to this story! 
> 
> It will include a mystery ship, as a spinoff story to this **_and_** it shall be posted next week Friday. The first chapter anyways. So far, there are two chapters to it.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys are excited and enjoyed the ending to this story. Can't wait to see you all next week in the continuation of this now series.
> 
> Please feel free to comment and/or kudos to let me know you enjoyed it. You can also find me on Tumblr as [FolleseGaskarth](http://follesegaskarth.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you next week!


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